


Secrets and Shadows

by critterlady



Series: Tamara [6]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky Barnes Remembers, Bucky stalks Steve, Date gone wrong, Extremis Pepper Potts, First Date, Gen, Loki is a kitten, Lots of repressed guilt, Not Canon Compliant, Not Really Character Death, Past Brainwashing, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Bucky Barnes, Shovel Talk, Sorry Not Sorry, Steve Rogers feels guilty, because he sorta remembers, demisexual OC, hidden cameo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-06-08 02:31:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 32,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6835405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/critterlady/pseuds/critterlady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve begins to recover after the fall of SHIELD. How will his world change now that he knows his best friend was tortured and brainwashed as a former POW?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Tamara woke slowly, confused at finding herself in her bed, back in the tower. The last thing she remembered was pain, but it wasn’t hers. She could feel the pain lingering so she pulled the blanket off to examine first her leg and then her stomach. She was still drowsy but she tried to get out of bed anyways. Hands eased her out of bed and helped her walk towards the bathroom but left her alone at the door. Tamara never even turned the light on, just waited for whoever it was to help her back to her own bed and the peaceful oblivion of sleep.

The next time she woke, the sun was up and Jake was asleep in a chair by her bed. Toi was curled up in one corner of the bed purring contentedly and Tamara studied her, noticing the darker spot under her chin. Moving carefully, she started to get up but stopped when a wave of dizziness hit her. She couldn’t stifle a curse and Jake woke quickly.

“Take it easy Tam.” Jake stood to help her up from the bed. “Let me guess, bathroom? And then we’ll get you some food.”

“What happened?” she mumbled.

“Apparently, due to your empathy, you felt his pain when Steve was injured. I’ve already spoken with Charles; he thinks it's because Steve was in emotional distress at the time.” Jake waited at the closed door as Tamara cleaned up and dressed. She leaned on him as he helped her towards the kitchen and a chair. Jake began to pull out dishes where someone had obviously ordered breakfast. He fixed a plate for Tamara and for the next several minutes, she listened as Jake explained what had happened after she and Clint had fled New York.

“Where’s Steve?” she asked after he finished.

Jake glanced at his watch. “He was in D.C. but Tony sent Clint to retrieve him in a quin. Natasha was going to meet him at the airport with Steve.”

“How is he?”

“More stubborn than usual. He was insisting on leaving the hospital and going back out. He might take the time to heal if we get him back here. If nothing else, maybe we can talk him out of whatever it is he plans.”

Tamara frowned slightly, “I don’t know, you know how stubborn he can get. But there’s something else, I'm not sure what it is though. Something has him really upset.”

Tamara ate slowly as she fought the fatigue of the past several days. She noticed Toi wasn’t begging for tidbits as usual and finally spotted her, curled up on the couch. There was a darker spot near her belly that Tamara realized was alive when it began to move. _"Toi, is that a kitten?"_

" _Mine, guard, safe_ " Toi sent back.

Jake noted the confusion on Tamara’s face and offered what little he knew. “Clint said Bast was bringing the kitten to you. Something about it needed to be protected until it was stronger and could return to it's own form.”

Tamara’s eyes darted to look at the kitten, which was now nursing from Toi. “Own form?” she mumbled.

Toi purred deeply in reassurance. " _friend, hurt, danger_ ". Along with those thoughts, Toi sent an image of a humanoid form shrinking and shifting to become a kitten.

Tamara pushed away from the table. Just the thought of a grown person being turned into a tiny kitten sounded impossible. Then again, she lived with two “gods”; Hulk and Captain America. That didn’t even take into account the trouble Tony created on a Science! bender, or Clint’s amazing accuracy or Tasha skills. Maybe magic turning a person into a cat wasn’t so far-fetched after all.

It was then she heard giggling outside the door that sounded like Steve. But he only got like that for the short time that painkillers affected him before his enhanced metabolism burned through them. The door opened to reveal a very loopy Steve supported by Sif and a man she didn’t know.

“What did they give him?” Tamara didn’t know she had spoken aloud until Sif responded.

“This is my doing. Thor has spoken of his stubbornness and I thought some warriors tea might benefit him. Let us get him to bed and I shall explain.”

Clint led the way to Steve’s room and he was soon stretched out across his bed, sound asleep. Clint and the strange man stripped Steve down to just a pair of boxer briefs and left the room, followed by Sif and a reluctant Tamara.

Sif took a small bag from her belt and handed it to Tamara. “Warriors tea contains herbs to dull pain and induce sleep. It can be brewed as a tea or if needed, a tincture for immediate relief. Many of the herbs grow here but some are unique to Asgard. The recipe and the herbs that do not grow on Midgard are in the bag. Eir also sent seeds for those herbs, in case you wish to try growing them.”

Tamara took the bag with surprise. “He took painkillers willingly?”

Sif gave her a knowing smile. “Men can be foolish creatures. Thinking it makes them weak to stop and heal. I only told him the tea would make him stronger.”

Tamara grinned. “You lied to him.”

Sif shook her head. “That I did not. The tea shall make him stronger. As he sleeps, his wounds shall heal. When he wakes, he shall be stronger. I did not lie; I just did not tell him everything.”

Tamara gave Sif a huge smile and a quick nod. Sif reached out and rested one hand on Tamara’s shoulder. “That is not my only reason for coming. Thor says that Loki is no longer with us; he wanted to tell you himself but he has not left Frigga’s room as she recovers. I am truly sorry for you.”

The room seemed to spin and Tamara found herself cradled against Sif, breathing raggedly. She stumbled towards Steve’s room, seeking comfort, and only Sif’s grip kept her upright. Fighting back tears, she curled up next to Steve. Even in his sleep, he reached out to pull her closer as she let her tears begin to fall. Sif watched her sob, then turned and left them in peace and sorrow, both missing someone they considered family. But neither one knew then, that the other was going through the same thing.

Tamara didn’t know how long she slept but she woke to ragged breathing coming from Steve. Pushing herself up onto one arm, she realized he was having a nightmare so she tried to wake him gently. Instead she was shoved forcibly away to land with a thump on the floor. The noise woke Steve up and he sat up, the muscles in his right arm flexing as he sought the source of the disturbance. Tamara didn’t notice as she was too surprised at being shoved. When Steve noticed Tamara on the floor, he came quickly to the conclusion that he had done it. “Oh God, I'm sorry, Tam. Are you OK?”

Tamara moved to sit on the edge of the bed. “Just a bruised ego.” She tried to lighten the mood by rubbing her ass as she spoke but it didn't remove the look of sorrow on Steve’s face. “Hey, honest, I'm fine. But you're not, what happened?”

Steve took a deep breath, willing the pain back along with the tears that threatened to fall. “I saw Bucky. He's not dead.” He stared straight ahead as he spoke, confessing his guilt to her. “He didn’t die when he fell. Zola was experimenting on him the first time he was captured. Whatever he did must have helped him survive the fall. I don’t have all the answers but somehow he's stayed young, like me. HYDRA had him, they did something to make him a killer. And it's my fault. I should have gone back for him.”

Tamara scooted closer and opened her arms in invitation, one Steve didn’t reject. She held him for several minutes as she processed the information; feeling his emotions raging in tumultuous mix of anger, grief, and despair. She didn’t say anything, just waited for Steve to continue.

“He didn’t know me.” Choking back a sob, Steve continued. “He did this to me, he was trying to kill me. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I did. I had to. I had to..” A sob tore from his throat then and it broke Tamara’s heart to see Steve so vulnerable, so devastated.

Tamara coaxed Steve into lying back down and she held him, offering the only comfort she could as his tears fell. Knowing him, he’d shoved all thoughts of _why_ and _how_ out of his mind, until now. Now that he was home, he had time to process everything. Finally his tears stopped, but only because he had drifted back off to sleep after Tamara had coaxed him into drinking more of the tea Sif had brought. 

“JARVIS?” Tamara inquired. “What can you tell me?”

“I have been scanning the files released by Natasha and found files that I believe are from HYDRA within SHIELD.”

“Can you check those files for anything that might be information on his friend? We know Steve won’t leave this, he’s gonna go looking. Just, don’t tell anyone please. I don’t want to get his hopes up.”

“Any possible information I find will be sent to your private server access.”

“Thanks J. Wake me if Steve gets up before me.” Tamara shifted so she was more comfortable and tried to relax but her mind kept replaying Steve’s confession. Finally, she couldn’t hold out any longer and she fell into a restless sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Tamara woke early the next morning, relieved to find Steve still sleeping. She was beginning to suspect that Steve had never taken time to deal with losing Bucky when he fell, and now all that buried grief was coming to the surface. Quietly leaving the room, she pulled the bedroom door mostly closed as she headed for the kitchen. If she was right, she was gonna have to coax Steve into talking more about how he was feeling; she couldn’t let him bury this again.

She busied herself with breakfast, making Steve’s favorites. As she worked, she talked softly to JARVIS. “J, can you find out more about when Bucky fell?”

“What information do you require?”

“I want to know what Steve said about it. Also, when did Steve crash and what was he doing between the time Bucky fell and he crashed? Any references to Steve’s state-of-mind after Bucky fell. That kind of thing.”

“I have access to private files created by Howard Stark. After Barnes fell, several of the Commandos spoke with Miss Carter or Howard Stark about Steve’s behavior. Shall I send the files to your tablet?”

“Please, and thanks J.” Tamara finished cooking and loaded plates down with breakfast, then carried them to a cart she found helpfully inside the door when she woke. When she pushed the cart into the bedroom, Steve was stirring restlessly but not yet fully awake.

“Steve, time to get up.” She shook his shoulder gently and he opened sleepy blue eyes, then closed them with a small groan.

“Just let me sleep” he mumbled.

“Nope, c’mon. You can go back to sleep after you eat.” She tugged at his arm until he finally gave in and sat up. She handed him a plate and he picked at the food while she checked his wounds and changed his bandages. “I’d say at least two or three days more of bed rest. You might not be completely healed then, but enough your stubborn ass can manage.”

Steve sat his plate aside as though he was done, until Tamara sat it back in his lap with a glare. “You will eat all of that. I know you might not feel like eating but you have to anyways.”

Steve continued to pick at his food, finally mumbling that Bucky might not have anything. Tamara decided then that she'd have to keep making Steve’s favorite foods to tempt him to eat. But for now, she’d settle for him admitting what was bothering him. “Tell me about Bucky. What was he like?”

Steve gave her a soft, sad smile before beginning to tell her stories about growing up with Bucky. Once he was mentally distracted, his appetite took over and he ended up cleaning his plate. Tamara had added some of the Asgardian mixture to his juice and she noted with satisfaction that his eyes were beginning to droop as she took his empty plate. 

As she washed the dishes, she spoke with JARVIS and created a shopping list for the next couple of days. JARVIS also begin to fill her in on just _who_ James Buchanan Barnes used to be and what kind of soldier he had been. Tamara had JARVIS begin to compare reports from before he was captured and after he was reunited with Steve. 

She was lost in thought so she startled when JARVIS spoke again. “Tamara, the others have been inquiring into Steve’s recovery. Do you wish me to deliver a message?”

“Yeah, just give me a minute.” Tamara had to weigh Steve’s privacy with the genuine concern of the team. “J, private message please, wipe it once they read it.”

“Understood”

“Steve’s injuries are healing as expected. But give me a couple days before anyone drops in. From the way he's responding, I don’t think he ever really dealt with losing Bucky the first time. I'm not sure but he may have just buried everything and just focused on destroying HYDRA. Let JARVIS deliver any messages.”

“Your message has been filed. I shall notify everyone and send any response to you.”

After all the dishes had been finished, Tamara started to pull together supplies for a pot roast. By the time she had everything together, JARVIS notified her that her grocery order was on the way up in the elevator. She retrieved the groceries, then began to peel and slice the vegetables while listening for Steve to wake up. Once she finally had the pot roast started, she slipped into the bedroom to check on Steve. Thankfully, he was still sleeping, so she took the time to read a little of the information JARVIS had begun to find on both Steve and Bucky. Based on what JARVIS was able to find, she was pretty sure Bucky had developed PTSD from his time as a captive. The mission behavior changes, the lack of sleeping except when Steve was on watch or close by - they all pointed to possible PTSD and it didn't surprise her one bit.

After less than an hour, she had to put the reports aside and step out of the room. She’d just spent the last 15 minutes reading reports on the injuries from the soldiers Steve had rescued in Azzano. And that was just the ones that survived. Even more troubling were the reports from survivors about soldiers who failed to survive the “experiments”. Surgeries without anesthesia, men screaming in pain as they were torn apart. Wounds left untreated as the soldier died a slow death. She took several deep breaths to calm herself, to shut out the images her mind was supplying.

When she became aware of her surroundings once more, she was seated on the floor, her back to the wall. The little black kitten was in her lap and Toi was leaned against her, soft rumbling purrs bringing Tamara back to reality. God, sometimes she hated the medical knowledge she had and her vivid imagination. She must not have made too much noise though because Steve still slept, thank goodness for minor blessings. She gave Toi a quick hug before beginning to stroke the kitten in her lap. _"Toi, you wanna explain this?"_

" _friend, hurt, safe, danger_ " 

Tamara picked up the kitten and cuddled it as it mewed softly. She reluctantly handed it to Toi who held it carefully in her mouth as she walked towards the couch. " _So the kitten is in danger in its normal form and needs to be kept safe until it is recovered?_ "

Toi just purred in approval as she cared for the kitten. Toi knew who the kitten was, Bast had shared that information with her. But Tamara was too stressed right now to deal with the idea of Loki as a kitten. No, she’d just do as Bast had requested and guard this one as if it were her own cub.

Tamara was starting to get hungry and she knew Steve would be waking up soon. She had planned to cook for lunch but after the reports she had read, she couldn’t stand the idea of handling raw meat. No, best to just have JARVIS order something to be delivered for today. Shaking her head, she tried to decide what would be good for lunch. “JARVIS, can you order double our usual Chinese for lunch, and then something Italian for supper around 7?”

“Would you like desserts ordered with supper?”

“No, I’d planned on making a cheesecake. Make sure we have a variety of juices as well.”

“Your lunch is ordered and will be delivered in approximately forty-five minutes. A member of the security staff is going out for your juice request. He asks if you would like any sweets?”

“Maybe just a couple of Caramello bars. Literally, no more than three.”

Tamara headed for the kitchen where she busied herself making a cheesecake from scratch. She had to cheat with the topping but she didn’t have time to make the syrup by hand. Once it was prepared, she set it in the fridge to chill, just in time for JARVIS to notify her that the lunch order and juices were on the way up in the elevator. Tamara pushed the small cart to the elevator and retrieved everything, then took it to the kitchen to put away the juice and part of the Chinese. She skipped plates this time, instead just grabbed silverware so they could eat directly from the containers.

Steve was waking up on his own when she returned to his room and she waited as he went to the bathroom before shooing him back to bed.

“Oh c’mon Tam, I feel fine.”

“Tomorrow, maybe. A bullet to the gut is a serious injury, most people would spend weeks recovering after they had major surgery to repair the damage. I _will_ sit on you if that’s what it takes to keep you in bed.”

Steve laughed slightly, then winced as his stomach muscles tightened in response “OK, you win. I stay in bed, but can we at least watch movies or something?”

In response to his question, JARVIS turned on the TV and selected a movie from Steve’s list. Tamara and Steve ate lunch and watched the movie in relative silence. She didn’t add any of the Asgardian mixture to his drink this time, content to let him deal with the physical pain while she coaxed him into confronting the emotional pain.

“Steve, tell me more about Bucky, about when you found him the first time.”

“I don’t wanna talk about that.” He stared stubbornly at the movie but his jaw twitched, a sure sign he was upset.

Tamara cleared away the remains of lunch and when she returned to the room, she had art supplies with her. She spread the pens and pencils out on the bed and sat down beside Steve before opening one of the sketch pads. Before long, she had roughed in a sketch of several people, standing as though waiting for someone. “You need to talk about it, you can’t keep bottling it up or it will destroy you.”

“You don’t know that.”

Tamara set the sketch pad down carefully. “When my sister died, I was devastated. I never told anyone, but she switched seats with me on the bus. We were at a traffic light and she unbuckled and made me switch seats with her. Claimed she couldn’t see the view out the window. It was only a few minutes later that the bus was hit and went tumbling down into a ravine.” Tamara could feel the tears, hot and heavy, burning as she tried to hold them in. “Our side of the bus landed on rocks at the bottom, the window was shattered and Heather was bleeding everywhere. I hurt all over. I couldn’t move. She was pinned under me and I couldn’t see her face. I remember flashes of the rescue, the sound of metal screeching as it was cut, the smell of blood and fear. But the most vivid memories are how still Heather was and the feel of her blood soaking through my clothes. It’s my fault she died, I never should have traded seats with her.” She couldn’t hold the tears back any longer. 

As she began to sob, Steve pulled her closer, holding her for several minutes, until she began to calm down again. “It’s not your fault Tama, you were both just kids. You said she could see a person’s death, right?” Tamara barely nodded. “Did you ever consider that if she didn’t trade places with you, both of you could be dead? What if she saw both of you dying and just _knew_ that if she traded, that you could survive? You never got a chance to ask her but maybe she did know. Didn’t you say that you and your parents saw her afterward, that she said something about at least one of you living?” Tamara sniffled and grew quieter but her tears continued to fall.

Steve pulled Tamara over so she was curled up beside him, her head pillowed on his uninjured shoulder. “Howard and Peggy took me in a plane to drop near the factory where the soldiers were being held. I managed to sneak inside and I found most the soldiers in cells but Bucky wasn’t there. It seemed to take forever to find him. I found rooms with other soldiers, or what was left of them and it made me sick.” He stopped to take a deep breath, unwilling to face the memories until Tamara gave him a small hug. “I almost went by the room they had him in. He was strapped down to a table, reciting his name, rank and serial number. The only reason I went in there was I saw someone run out.” Without even thinking about it, Steve told Tamara how he and Bucky escaped and then about some of the missions they went on together. Before he got to the train and how Bucky fell, he realized that Tamara had fallen asleep. He did his best to get comfortable without waking her up. He looked down at her, trusting him to keep her safe and he could _feel_ how right this felt. Giving her a kiss on the forehead, he closed his eyes and tried to sleep, thinking to himself it was a shame Tamara only saw him as a close friend.

Steve woke several hours later to the sound of noises in the kitchen. He knew JARVIS had to let anyone in with him and Tamara asleep so he wasn’t concerned, just curious. “JARVIS, who’s here?”

“Your supper that Tamara requested has arrived. Clint offered to put it away but I shall let him know you are awake now.”

A few minutes later, Clint came in the room carrying a tray loaded down with spaghetti. “Figured you’d wake up soon. How long she been out?”

Steve looked down at Tamara, still curled against him. “Longer than I was.”

“Tamara has been asleep four hours, thirty-three minutes.” JARVIS interrupted. “She fell asleep two hours forty-eight minutes after you began to tell her about Mr. Barnes.”

Clint was careful not to wake her as he helped Steve shift so he could sit up to eat. “Figures, she still has some catching up on sleep to do.”

Steve noticed that Clint was favoring one leg. “What happened to you?” He asked as he pointed towards the leg.

“Sliced it open when we crashed, don’t remember much. One minute I was trying to find a place to put the plane down, next thing I know, I’m in a med facility and Tam’s seizing in a bed next to me.”

Steve dropped his fork in surprise. “What?”

“Apparently I was hurt pretty bad and she healed me. The agents there couldn’t explain what they saw but that’s what it sounded like. Told me her sugar was really low when they got us to base.”

Steve was very concerned for his teammates now. “Who found you Clint?”

“It was agents escaping from HYDRA.” Clint held up a hand when he saw Steve open his mouth. “Before you say it, I can guarantee the people who saved us aren’t HYDRA. One of them was an old friend, Melinda May. She personally vouched for the others and Tasha and I both trust her.” Clint hadn’t decided yet if it was his place to tell the others about Coulson but he’d told Tasha, she deserved to know. “Should I fix her a plate?”

Steve shook his head, “let her sleep, it sounds like she needs it more right now.” 

Clint just nodded and quietly left the room. Steve finished off his supper, then curled back up for more sleep, pulling Tamara closer. She let out a small sigh of contentment as JARVIS lowered the lights in the room.


	3. Chapter 3

When Steve awoke the next morning, Tamara was nowhere to be seen but he could hear her shower running. His stomach muscles protested as he got up but he had to go to the bathroom _now_. He was making his way slowly back to bed when Tamara walked in with a tray for breakfast. Steve wasn’t happy about still be stuck recovering but JARVIS had filled him in on what an unenhanced person would be going through right now. He had thought Tamara was exaggerating but after hearing from JARVIS, well, he’d listen to her and Jake. 

He found he wasn’t as upset about Bucky as he had been at first. So when Tamara asked him to tell her more about his best friend, he wasn’t as reluctant. When words were too hard to find, Tamara handed him a sketch book and watched as he drew pictures of Bucky from memory. Before he knew it, the morning was gone and lunch was being delivered. Jake stopped by after lunch to check on him and how well he was healing. Tamara offered to use her gift to help him heal faster but after talking to Clint the night before, Steve refused.

After lunch, they watched movies and once Jake cleared Steve to be out of bed, he joined Tamara on the couch to watch movies. Clint didn’t say anything else about Tamara to Steve when he stopped by to visit but he watched her carefully. By the time supper came, Steve was more than ready for the pot roast that he’d been smelling all day. Tamara refused to let him help clean up but he kept her company before they both went to their own rooms to sleep.

Steve woke late in the night, confused by a strange noise. His door was partially closed so he eased it open to follow the noise. He stopped when he got to Tamara’s door; he could hear the soft noises that sounded almost like crying but was like no person could ever make. After several minutes, he quietly asked JARVIS if Tamara was okay and was informed that she had awakened upset and had been playing her harmonica like that for several minutes. Steve listened to the soft sad melody for a couple of minutes before feeling like he was eavesdropping. Turning around he made his way quietly back to his room where he was unable to sleep until the mournful music stopped. Wishing he could comfort Tamara and reassure her, he finally managed to fall back asleep.

Steve fell into a pattern the next couple of days of spending the morning talking to Tamara about Bucky but he was allowed to be up and about the tower, just not training. So his afternoons he spent either in the gym watching the others as they worked out or on the common floor. Sam had decided to use some of his accumulated vacation days to stay at the tower and get to know everyone. Tamara was cautious around Sam at first but she relaxed some once she found out how he had helped Steve and Natasha. Steve’s sleep was still disturbed by Tamara’s harmonica but he just lay quietly in the dark, listening to the sad melody until she quit playing. 

Steve had been more open to the others about his friendship with Bucky and the things Bucky had done before the war. He told them how after his mom got sick, Bucky would work long hours at the docks, just to be able to bring Steve medicine he needed to survive. Everyone soon came to realize that without Bucky, Steve would most likely have died well before WWII even started. Natasha offered to check with her Russian contacts and see if they could provide any help. Tony offered to have JARVIS help sift through the data from the SHIELD dump. He was concerned about Steve hunting down a trained assassin but he also knew Steve was too stubborn to not look for his friend. 

By the time the weekend came, Steve was itching to get back to training. But all Jake would allow was unrestricted walking with another person and if he tried to pick up the pace, or tried to sneak off, JARVIS ratted him out. He knew it was for his own good but it made him feel weak, like when he was still a skinny nobody. Needless to say, he was very frustrated when he headed back to his floor late Saturday evening after watching _Top Gun_ with the team. Tamara had left the gathering earlier, complaining of a mild headache and was asleep when Steve returned to their apartment. Steve had enjoyed the movie, right up until Maverick made a mistake that killed his best friend. As soon as the movie was over, he returned to his room, claiming to be tired.

Steve lay in the dark, his mind replaying the mission that cost Bucky his life. So maybe he wasn't dead, but this existence was much worse. He knew Bucky would never have willingly agreed to cooperate with HYDRA. What did they do to him? Not having any answers yet, his mind was more than willing to supply him horrific images of Bucky being tortured. But that still didn't explain how he stayed young. Was he frozen somehow, like Steve had been? He struggled to stay awake but sleep finally overtook him.

Tamara woke in the dark room, confused by Toi tugging insistently at her arm. JARVIS didn’t respond when she called him, so Tamara felt around her nightstand for the earwig she kept there. “JARVIS?”

“I am here Tamara. I regret having Toi wake you but Steve is on the balcony and not responding to me.”

Tamara was already headed out her door. “Thanks J”

Entering the living room, she could see Steve standing on the balcony in the moonlight. He was nowhere near the edge and she breathed a sigh of relief. She called his name several times as she approached but he ignored her, instead staring out at the New York skyline. Her heart broke as she saw his face. Tears were trailing down his cheeks and his eyes were so full of grief that she didn't stop to think, she just wrapped her arms around him.

When he looked down at her, his expression changed to one of desperation as he loomed over her. She froze in shock when Steve pressed his lips to hers forcibly, but as the kiss softened, she found herself returning it as he grabbed her up in his arms and stalked back to his bedroom.

He put one knee on the bed and laid her down, kissing her again; more gently now, as though he was afraid she would break. Her fingers lightly traced his spine as he nipped at her neck. One hand caressed her breast and she found herself moaning his name softly. That broke him from whatever this was and he stopped to stare into her eyes. She expected him to leave, to abandon her there, but instead he wrapped his arms around her tightly, like a drowning man clinging to a rock. He rolled them over so that Tamara’s head was on his shoulder and she listened to his pounding heart slow as he calmed down and eventually drifted off to sleep. 

Tamara was torn. Not even Lucas had made her feel the way Steve just did and God help her, she wanted more of it. He made her feel so alive, so _wanted_. She pushed aside her own feelings of want and need to focus on him. Toi had followed them into the bedroom and she shared the smell of blood with Tamara. Placing one hand over the bandage Steve still wore covering the gunshot, she _reached_ to feel he had torn it open, probably by carrying her. She hummed softly as she focused her healing gift on the wound, repairing the damage he had caused. When she was finished, she closed her own eyes and tried to sleep but her mind kept replaying the feel of his lips on hers and his hand on her breast.

Steve woke confused the next morning with a warm weight in his arms. He shifted so he could see Tamara, eyes closed in sleep, curled up contentedly like a cat. As he began to remember the night before, his cheeks flushed. _What have I done?_. “JARVIS? What happened last night?”

“You did not take advantage of her, if that is your concern. The two of you merely kissed.”

Steve breathed a soft sigh of relief. It didn’t make him feel much better to know he had kissed her but at least he hadn’t forced himself on her. He carefully slipped his arm from underneath her to climb from the bed so he could get a shower and she shifted to wrap her arms around his pillow. The movement caused her shirt to ride up, baring her stomach. As his traitorous mind supplied him with a memory of his hand caressing her breast while she moaned in pleasure, his body responded. _“Make that a cold shower”_ he thought as he tried to ignore the response.


	4. Chapter 4

By the time Steve finished his shower, Tamara was nowhere to be seen but he could hear her in the kitchen. Steve had been wearing loose clothing all week but now he dressed more carefully, trying to at least _appear_ normal. As he entered the kitchen, Tamara was setting breakfast out for the two of them. They ate in silence broken only by the clink of silverware. Steve wanted to apologize for his behavior but he was too embarrassed to bring it up so he said nothing as Tamara cleaned up from breakfast and left the apartment.

Leaving the apartment, Steve went in search of Bruce. Maybe he had some tips for dealing with nightmares. He knew Tony had nightmares but alcohol had no effect on Steve, nor did he have anyone to hold at night when dreams got bad. No, best to go to someone who, like him, was mostly alone. Unfortunately, when Steve finally found him, Bruce was in the gym with the others. Deciding to talk to him later, Steve chose a treadmill. As he slipped in a set of earbuds, he couldn’t help but watch Tamara as she began to spar with Clint. Even from across the room, he could see the sweat slide down her throat into her sports bra. He was so distracted watching her as she breathed heavily, that he failed to notice Jake until the treadmill was turned off. Glancing at the clock, he saw he had missed his scheduled check-in so he followed Jake back down to the medical ward.

Across the room, Tamara could feel Steve watching her so she pushed harder, determined to finally beat Clint in a match. Clint was pleased with her workout but Tamara only half-listened to his critique as she watched Steve follow Jake from the gym. As she left the gym to return to her own floor, her thoughts kept returning to the night before. She was so distracted, she didn’t hear Pepper at first.

“Tam, you OK?” Pepper laid her hand on Tamara’s arm startling her.

Tamara was sure Pepper could see the blush creeping up her neck. “I’m fine, I was just lost in thought.”

“I saw Steve leaving the med ward. He was smiling so I guess he’s healing well.”

Tamara felt a little guilty about not telling anyone about Steve tearing his injury open the night before but she hid it well. “Yeah, I think he’ll be almost back to normal by the end of the week.”

Pepper smiled, “So I better have a talk with Natasha then. See if we can’t slow him down a little.”

This close to her, Tamara could see that something was _different_ about Pepper. “Are you busy Pepper? I need lunch and I really want to get out of the tower for a bit.”

Pepper looked at the tablet she held, then turned it off. “Sure, I could use some lunch myself. JARVIS, ask Happy to meet us in the garage please. Tamara and I are going out. And you can tell Tony he is not to follow me, I can handle this.”

Tamara pulled at her top, “I need a shower before I go anywhere.” She opened the door to the apartment she shared with Steve.

Steve came out of the kitchen with a plate in his hand and Pepper smiled at him. “No problem, I wanted to talk to Steve about something anyways. Take your time.”

Tamara spent the afternoon with Pepper, first at lunch, then out shopping. It gave her a chance to find out about the changes she was feeling in Pepper and to talk about her own confusion lately. Helping Steve deal with finding out that Bucky hadn’t died had stirred up things she thought she had buried years ago. Since Pepper knew Tamara was insecure and self-conscious about being in public with the team, she gave her advance warning of an upcoming fundraiser Stark Industries was planning. Families around the country had been damaged in the fall of SHIELD. Several groups were making an effort to help families with the fallout. Insurance was gone, retirement funds were gone, and many families had immediate need for help with medical expenses. SI was hosting the fundraiser at multiple offices around the world in support of a charity established to pay for urgent medical needs. 

Tamara didn’t want to go and she worried how Steve might cope, after everything that happened in Washington. Pepper assured her she’d already spoken to Steve and he was supportive of the idea. Something like this took time to plan but Pepper had been at it for the entire past week. Now that Steve was on board, and approved to resume light training by Jake; Pepper had been able to finalize a date for the event. The fundraiser would be held in the tower the following weekend. Tamara had no idea how Pepper could pull together an event like this so quickly but she knew it would be done. 

The lobby level would be open to the public for publicity purposes, although donation boxes would be available. Conference rooms on the second floor would be decorated for each team member with licensed merchandise for sale to the public and all proceeds would go to the charity. In addition, each person had agreed to sign a limited number of items to be auctioned off by silent bids. The main draw though would be the invitation only party in the third floor ballroom. 

Knowing how most everyone disliked formal events, this was planned as semi-formal so Pepper informed Tamara they were going out shopping the day before and that she had arranged for Brian and Lizzie to come help Tamara get ready for the party. Tamara knew better than to argue that she didn't belong. She tried that before and everyone ganged up on her, reminding her she was part of the team, even if the public didn’t know it.

The following week was almost back to normal. Steve was still on restricted exercise but at least he was allowed to do something other than just walking. Thor still had not returned from Asgard. Pepper took Friday afternoon off to take Tamara shopping for a new dress. Pepper had sent Tamara photos of several dresses earlier that week with instructions to pick several to try on. Some Tamara dismissed right off because they revealed too much of her back and the scars that covered it. However, by Thursday night, she had narrowed the choices down and sent the list back off to Pepper. To make sure she didn’t avoid the fitting, Natasha was asked to make sure Tamara was ready for lunch with Pepper by 2 pm. Tamara was too nervous to eat much so they ended up going to the tailor’s instead to try the dresses Tamara had selected. 

After actually looking at the dresses, Tamara and Pepper narrowed them down to three dresses for Tamara to try on. Pepper was encouraging her to try a mid-thigh dress while Tamara really wanted something longer. Tamara tried on the first dress and hated it, the skirt seemed so short she felt she’d die of embarrassment if she even considered dancing in it. After seeing how uncomfortable Tamara was in the shortest dress, Pepper agreed it was not a good option. The next dress was better; the skirt ended just below the knees, making it shorter than Tamara preferred but it was a deep green satin that slid across her skin as she moved. The dress was covered with silk lace embroidered in delicate roses, a slightly darker shade than the dress. When Tamara stepped out of the dressing room, Pepper knew they had the right dress.

Tamara blushed at the compliments she received from the tailor but allowed them to adjust the dress for fit, promising to have it delivered to the tower that evening. Pepper had intended to have Tamara select traditional heels to match the dress but Tamara was distracted by a pair of delicate looking but sturdy dark gray boots. 

“Would you like those boots Tam? I’m sure they can find some in your size.” Pepper sat down the heels she was holding.

“Seriously? They’re perfect. Fancy enough for a party but still tough enough I can run in them if I need to.”

Pepper spoke softly to one of the associates who located the proper size boot while another was busy gathering a selection of items and setting them aside. “Make sure they fit right.”

When the standard size boots felt too tight, a wide width pair was retrieved and bagged. “I got some other things for you as well. Save it all for tomorrow night, understand?”

“Yes Pepper” Tamara couldn’t hide her nervousness again at the thought of the party. “Do I really have to come?”

“Yes” Pepper stated firmly. “Sweetie, you won’t be leaving the tower unless you choose to. JARVIS will keep a close eye on you, OK? Work out a signal for him in case you start to feel uncomfortable and one of us will find you. There’ll be other people there you can go to as well, we invited the Fantastic Four and sent invitations to the mansion for Charles and his people. But you need to try to get used to being out in public with everyone else. None of us want you to panic if you get separated. I know it’s hard but we need you to try.”

Tamara just nodded her head. The others didn’t understand why it was hard for Tamara to be comfortable in public when no one knew who she was. But she wasn’t stupid; only the fact she wore a hood on missions to hide her identity protected her. And the more she was seen in public with any of them, the more at risk she was. She knew that if someone really meant to harm her, it’d be easy. Yeah, she could fight a little but against someone bigger than herself or with more training, she felt almost helpless. Sometimes she felt like she knew just enough for it to be dangerous. There was a reason she focused on sniping when she wasn't needed as medic.

After they return to the tower, Tamara returned to the gym to spend more time on her gymnastics. As she practices her floor skills, she is able to forget the party until JARVIS announced that supper has been delivered. Upstairs in the apartment, she finds Steve setting the table.

Forcing a smile, she tries to hide her inner turmoil from Steve. “Hey, what’s for supper?”

“JARVIS said you’d been down in the gym all afternoon so I ordered a protein rich meal. A nice lemon pepper rotisserie chicken for each of us since you prefer skinless. JARVIS took care of ordering the rest, he’s got us a lot of vegetable options here. Get washed up and come eat.”

When Tamara returned to the kitchen, Steve had his plates prepared but he waited politely for her. Tamara took her chicken to the table then piled a plate high with vegetables and rice, adding gravy to the rice. She noted Steve already had a basket full of rolls on the table. Supper was quiet, instead the usual small talk about their day, as though neither one knew what to say to the other. Steve thought Tamara was still mad at him for the other night, for taking advantage of her. Several times, he started to say something but he always stopped. 

Tamara didn’t see Steve when she got up the next morning, instead she had a message that he had gone running but Natasha wanted to see her. She found Tasha in the third floor ballroom where she was checking the security. 

“Pepper said you’re concerned about tonight.” Natasha got right to the point.

“I guess. I don’t see why I have to be here. I don’t fit in.” Tamara wanted someone to understand how out of place she felt. She turned away from Tasha to study the ballroom decorations.

“Why do you think you don’t fit in?” 

Tamara turned back to Tasha and gestured at herself. “Look at me, you and Pepper, you’re both beautiful. Men would die for you. I’m covered in scars. Nobody wanted to date me in college except Lucas, and he’s dead. Maybe I’m cursed or something.” She muttered the last part under her breath but Tasha was close enough to hear it.

She took Tamara by the wrist. “Look at me, you are not cursed. Do you know how many men I knew before Clint? Men who didn’t see the real me? Hundreds saw only what I was trained to show them but Clint, he saw through all that. Even before he was sent to kill me. We crossed paths before then but he didn’t know who I was at the time. Don’t ever be ashamed of those scars. Our scars, they tell our life story.” Tasha pulled her top away from her right shoulder. “Clint shot me here, the first time we crossed paths. The next time, I begged him to kill me quickly because I was tired of running and hiding. But he didn’t, and you know the rest of that story. The point is, don’t hide from those scars.”

Tamara decided to go to the gym until time to start getting ready for the evening. She changed into her swimsuit and swam until lunch time when JARVIS sent Clint to make sure she returned to her own floor. She could hear Steve’s shower running but if he had eaten, he had already cleaned up. Reluctantly, she headed for her room and a relaxing shower. As she was changing into shorts and a tank top, she could hear Steve talking to someone. Entering the living area, she found Brian and Lizzie setting up their supplies. 

Lizzie saw her first and gave her a quick hug. “You look nervous. C’mon, relax, let Brian work his magic while I fix your hair.”

Tamara laughed for the first time that day. “OK, but nothing outrageous.”

Brian had set up his makeup kit near the balcony windows to allow him to use the natural lighting. He opened the dress bag to check the color of Tamara’s dress, then began to mutter to himself as he selected brushes and colors. “Just relax Tam, we have something special in mind for you.”

Tamara eyed Brian doubtfully. “And just what might that be?”

Lizzie grinned. “We’re gonna turn you into a pin-up girl. Brian and I have been working with a burlesque group doing makeup and a couple of the women like the pin-up girl look so we started practicing. Miss Potts told us that Captain Rogers might appreciate a familiar look tonight, and pin-up girls were popular during the war, so..”

“We thought we’d turn you into one for tonight.” Brian interrupted. 

Two hours later, Tamara looked in the mirror to compare herself to the photos her friends had brought of actresses from World War II era movies. She didn’t look exactly like any of them, but she looked like she belonged. Brian was left to gather up the makeup and hair styling equipment while Lizzie helped Tamara with her dress. 

Tamara stared at the clothing Lizzie had laid out. “Are you sure about this?”

Lizzie just handed her the stockings. “Miss Potts ordered everything and this is what was in the bag. C’mon, I’ll help you with the garter belt, I think this set is custom dyed to match your dress.”

When Tamara stepped in front of the full-length mirror, she had a hard time recognizing herself. She seldom wore dresses because it was too difficult to fight in a dress. And she usually saw no reason to wear makeup. Brian and Lizzie joined her in the elevator for the ride down to the third floor where the benefit was already in full swing.


	5. Chapter 5

Tamara stepped nervously out into the party, looking around for anyone she recognized. The ballroom was huge, dominating the third floor. When she couldn’t spot anyone right away, Tamara headed for the one solid spot in the entire room, the bar. All she had to do was stay close to the bar and she’d be fine. She knew the wait staff was all SI security personnel and she recognized several as she made her way across the floor.

The bartenders were all on the SI payroll as well and one handed her a drink as she took a seat at the bar. Tamara took a look at the tall creamy drink. “Thanks Jan, I think? What is it?”

“Just a virgin Pina Colada. Marty and I will make all your drinks tonight.” Jan smiled as another customer came to request a drink. 

Tamara took a small sip of the drink before turning to watch the people mingling. It took only a little effort to locate Pepper and Tony. Tamara took her drink and started to make her way across the room to them. Halfway across, she was jostled in the crowd and stumbled into Ben Grimm. He grabbed her in time to prevent a fall but she couldn’t save her drink. 

“You okay there?” His hand was surprisingly light on her in spite of his massive size.

“I'm fine as long as nobody noticed.” She blushed with embarrassment.

“You kidding, everyone’s been too busy staring at me to notice a little thing like you.” His voice was rough but he was trying to be friendly. 

Tamara gives him a small smile, just in time to be interrupted by a loud voice. “Ben, now what would Alicia think? You with your hands all over such a pretty little lady.”

“This loudmouth is Johnny, just ignore him. The rest of us do.” Ben motioned at a man in a dark blue suit. Tamara hid her surprise at how much he looked like Steve. 

“Johnny Storm, Human Torch is what he meant to say.” Johnny reached out to take Tamara’s hand. “You know you love me, Ben. Now, are you going to introduce me to the lady before we dance or not?”

Tamara jerked her hand away. “It’s usually polite to ask a lady if she wants to dance.”

Johnny smiled, sure of himself. “I’m a hero, what woman wouldn’t like to dance with me.”

“I wouldn’t” Tamara turned and stormed off. She was right, just coming to this party had been a disaster. First, she spilled her drink, then she was rude to a guest and now, that same guest was patronizing her. She made her way across the room, slipping through the crowd, intent on the balcony doors and the cool evening air. Technically, she would still be at the party but she couldn’t take this crowd and the noise right now. She didn’t consider that JARVIS would inform both Pepper and Natasha that Tamara had slipped off alone again.

Natasha and Clint are talking to Steve when Tamara goes to slip outside. “Looks like someone upset Tam. I’m gonna go check on her.”

Steve turned to see the way she was walking, eyes straight ahead as she dodged around dancers. “I’ll go, I’m not really supposed to be doing much anyways. You two enjoy the party.”

Clint just shook his head, amused that Steve hadn’t picked up on Tasha’s matchmaking.

Tamara finally cleared the crowd and stepped out onto the balcony. She could still hear the noise of the party, but it was muted by the sounds of New York at night. The balcony had several small bistro tables set up and she took one, putting her back to the wall. “JARVIS, do you think Pepper would be upset if I went back upstairs now? I mean, I did come to this thing like she asked.”

“I believe she might be disappointed that you are not enjoying yourself. If I can offer any assistance?”

“Sorry J. It’s just. Why can’t anyone see how it makes me feel when guys like Storm tease me?”

“It is possible his interest was genuine.”

Tamara snorted. “I read the papers. His type is bombshell sexy, not someone like me.”

JARVIS was aware that Steve had reached the doors to the balcony but he did not alert Tamara. “There is much about you that a man might find desirable but what do you want?”

“All I want is a guy that can see past the scars. I’m not going to find that, maybe once upon a time, guys saw past looks, but now they don’t; they just want eye candy. What makes it worse is that I think I’m falling for someone, but he obviously doesn’t feel the same. If he did, he’d make a move. I want to be loved like my dad loved my mom; to be treasured. Nobody will ever look at me like that.” She brought one hand up to wipe at her face quickly.

Steve realized that he could lose Tamara before he even got the nerve to find out if she cared about him the way he did her. “I do,” he says softly.

Tamara turns her head quickly and spots Steve, standing in the doorway in a dark gray suit. 

“You deserve to be treasured, to be loved. Give me a chance, go out on a date with me. Let me show you how I feel.” He steps closer, offering his hand to her and waits for her to take it. He can feel her hand tremble and he wonders if it’s fear or excitement. Pulling her to her feet, he brings his hand to her chin to tip her head back so he can look her in the eyes. “You are beautiful. Anyone who tells you the scars take away any of that beauty is a liar.” He takes her hand and presses it to his chest, over his heart. “Real beauty comes from here, and you will always be beautiful to me.” 

He can hear her heart pounding and he doesn't want to rush anything, to scare her off, so he gently wraps one arm around her waist and pulls her closer. She leans into his contact and shivers, so he takes off his jacket to drape it around her shoulders. He looks down at her and after a couple of seconds, she tips her head back to look up at him. He leans in closer and his lips brush hers lightly, feeling her relax as she accepts this simple gesture. “I think Pepper will understand when we go back upstairs.” He grinned slyly. “After all, Jake said I’m still not allowed to dance and you know how I am if someone isn’t there to make sure I follow doctor’s orders.”

Tamara smiled shyly and allowed him to lead her back across the crowded ballroom to the elevators. From one corner of the room, Pepper and Natasha just smiled as they watched them slip out. 

In the elevator, Steve held Tamara gently from behind, his arms wrapped around her waist. She hesitated when it reached their floor. “Just us here, I promise.” Steve’s voice was soft in her ear. 

When they entered the apartment, Steve headed for the kitchen to get them both a cold drink. He stopped dead still when he returned to the living room. Tamara was standing in front of the large windows, moonlight filtering through the glass. She had her back to him and had left his jacket lying on the back of the couch. She turned her head at his sudden intake of breath and smiled softly. 

“You look beautiful, let me draw you, please?” He almost begged. “I want you to see how beautiful you are.”

Tamara’s brave facade slipped. “I’m not beautiful, there are thousands of women prettier than me. How can you care about me, knowing what I’ve done?”

Steve drew her closer. “If you think your past makes you ugly, then you’re wrong. Do you think Natasha’s past makes her ugly? She did what she had to in order to survive and so did you. And anyone can be made to look pretty, that’s not what I want.”

He held his arms open in invitation and she leaned against his broad chest, listening to his heartbeat. “What do you want?”

His chest rumbled with pleasure at her simple question. “I want someone who sees me and not just Captain America. It’s hard to explain but I want someone who isn’t afraid to stand up to me if I’m being stupid.” He guided her to the couch and pulled her down beside him. “I want someone who will threaten to sit on me to get me to stay in bed when I’m hurt.” He grinned and Tamara blushed. “We both know I’m reckless sometimes.”

_“Sometimes?”_

“OK, a lot of the time. I hate being confined when I’m hurt, it reminds me too much of before the serum. I want someone who doesn’t care that I have art supplies everywhere. Someone who likes the same kinds of things I do, who understands how it feels to be missing someone so much it hurts.” He pulled Tamara into his lap. “But you know what I want most of all?”

“What?” she whispered.

“I want someone who can see me broken down and in pain; who will listen to my worst fears and failures and darkest secrets. Someone that doesn’t care about any of that except to want to protect me and comfort me and help me deal with it. JARVIS told me you asked him to turn off voice monitoring in the bedroom when I talk about Bucky. I love that you want to protect me.”

“Everyone deserves to keep some secrets.” 

“Look at me, Tam.” She tipped her head back so he could see her eyes, brimming with unshed tears. “I don’t know if this is love. And I can’t promise that I’ll never do anything to hurt you. But I can promise that I will always respect you and I will do my best to protect you. And if something did happen to you, I would tear the world apart to get to you.”

Several hundred yards away, a figure watched them through a scope. He’d been able to read Steve’s lips at first but when they went to the couch, all he could see was a perfect head shot. Pushing those thoughts aside, he continued to watch as Steve got up and moved something. When he returned with an easel, it made sense. The dame was letting him draw her. Stevie always did like to draw pin-up girls, especially with an outfit like that. He watched silently as Steve sketched, the dame barely in his sights from his rooftop vantage point. He knew he’d have to go into hiding again in the morning but he had been doing this every night since Steve came back to New York injured. Watching the dame take care of Steve, made him wonder if anyone besides Steve could ever care for him.

Steve and Tamara had no idea they were being watched. Steve positioned Tamara on the couch so she was relaxing, looking almost on the edge of sleep. As he sat and started sketching, he couldn’t help but wonder what Bucky might think of Tamara. “Buck’ll be jealous when he meets you.”

“Why, because he won’t have all your attention?”

Steve smiled at a memory. “No, he’s a big flirt but he’s harmless. He might try to steal you away.”

Tamara shook her head gently. “Never happen, I’m a one man woman. I’m your girl Steve, for as long as you want me.”

Steve sat the pencil down that he’d been sketching with and pushed his chair back. “Would _my girl_ like to dance?”

Before Tamara could respond, JARVIS had provided soft music in the form of the Glenn Miller Band’s _Moonlight Serenade_. Tamara took his outstretched hand and let him lead her into the middle of the floor. They danced through several songs, moving easily with each other until he stops to kiss her. As their lips meet, he picks her up easily and walks slowly back to the couch. When he goes to sit down, he feels a sharp pain and he can’t hide a grimace from Tamara. She pushes herself away from him quickly and begins to unbutton his shirt.

“I’m fine Tam, it’s nothing.” Steve takes her hands and tries to stop her but she pulls them free. 

Opening his shirt, she can see the bandage turning darker. “You idiot,” she says as she smacks him with a pillow. “You tore it open again. Bed, now.”

Steve sheepishly follows her orders, going to his room and stripping off his shirt. Tamara gathers the first aid kit and follows him, then cleans and re-bandages the wound. As she starts to leave, he reaches for her hand. “Stay with me, please?”

“Will you stay in bed if I do?” she asks. Steve just nods. “I need to change, you stay put.”

Steve changes into shorts then waits patiently for her to return, dressed in a tank top and shorts. She curls up next to him and lays her head on his shoulder. “How’s this?”

“That feels good. Get some sleep Tama. I promise I’ll stay right here.” Steve closes his eyes and after several minutes, Tamara can hear his breathing even out as he falls asleep. Satisfied, she places her hand over the wound still bleeding and sends her healing energy into it to repair the damage, pulls the blanket over both of them before drifting off to sleep herself. James watches them sleep from his hiding spot but when neither one has moved for over an hour, he leaves his perch to go sleep himself.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [](http://s67.photobucket.com/user/genseeker13/media/Pets/Rainbow%20Bridge/4f91f3f7-e8c9-4471-85be-7dfff2f1b691_zps7byav91t.jpg.html)   
> 

James is up early the next morning, running the streets as he scouts for anything out of place around the tower. He finds more people out of place and tags them with trackers he’d stolen from a HYDRA cell in the city. As he slips back to the suite in the hotel, he marvels again at how easy it was to hack the computers, especially for a place that screamed of wealth like this one. He checked and saw that the dame still slept in Steve’s bed but Steve was no longer there. He pondered why Steve had made no attempt with the dame. He never did go by looks but the dame wasn’t ugly either.

James had his breakfast then he began to work out. He watched a monitor he had connected to the rifle scope and noticed when the dame slung a backpack over one shoulder. Grabbing his jacket and backpack, he headed for the elevator; managing to beat the dame down to the ground floor so he was waiting outside when she exited the tower. He huffed in frustration, this dame was clueless; but he relaxed a little when he noticed a bulky man exit the building to follow her. She wasn’t paying attention to her surroundings and the guy following her wasn’t much better. He was watching around the dame but not once did he look behind them. James watched the dame enter a small bookstore and finding a cafe nearby, he stopped to watch for her.

It wasn’t long before the dame exited, nodding at the obvious bodyguard who again trailed behind her. James followed along behind as she visited several more stores and even a deli for lunch. When she entered the deli, he risked following her inside the building after she had ordered. The bodyguard had joined her and they spoke casually, more as friends than as employer and employee. But it was enough for James to overhear something important, her name. He ducked out before she did and resumed following her as she returned to the tower.

In the tower, Steve had spent the morning in the gym with Jake as he monitored Steve’s exercise. It was a nice surprise when Jake released him to return to normal exercise levels. Steve returned to his quarters to find that Tamara had gone out for the morning. That gave him time to plan a date. He'd been thinking about it all morning and now that Jake had cleared him, he was ready to put his plan in motion.

Steve found Tony in the workshop as usual and checked to see if his bike had been repaired after Washington. The damage was too severe so Tony had opted to just replace the bike instead. Steve arranged for breakfast supplies to be delivered the next morning and found several options for dinner out as well. 

When Tamara returned to the tower after shopping, she put away everything she had purchased before heading to the gym. Steve hadn’t been in the apartment when she returned and given the time, she expected him to be in the gym. The gym was empty but she heard noises coming from the pool. In the locker room, she changed into a swimsuit before heading to the pool as well. 

To her surprise, even Pepper was taking an early weekend. She and Tony were curled up together in the hot tub. Bruce was relaxing on a floating lounge chair. The others were all engaged in a light-hearted game of water volleyball in the shallow end. Tamara made her way to the diving board at the far end, climbing quickly to the top. She stopped for just a few seconds to double check where everyone was before diving off, sending ripples through the pool. 

That distracted everyone enough for Steve to notice her arrival. He was waiting as she surfaced and he pulled her close to give her a quick kiss. “I missed you.”

All Tamara could do was blush as several whistles echoed through the area. “Missed you too. Go play, I need to put in my laps today.” Steve returned to the game as Tamara swam her laps, feeling the muscles in her right knee relax from the warmth of the water and the exercise. The game ended about the same time as she finished her laps and moved to the heated pool to soak. She stretched out her leg on the steps at the edge of the pool and leaned back against the wall, letting the warm water soothe her aches. She was on the verge of dozing off when she felt ripples in the water. But when something small was dumped in her lap, she opened her eyes to see Toi watching her intently.

Toi nudged the kitten she had deposited into Tamara’s lap, then walked deeper into the pool before beginning to swim. A small ball flew through the air to splash down in the pool and Toi swam after it eagerly. She brought the ball back to Tamara and nudged her hand. Tamara took the ball and threw it for Toi, just in time to hear voices behind her.

“Man, I never would have believed it. A cat that likes to swim.” Tamara placed the speaker as Sam, the guy who had helped Steve and Natasha.

Steve joined Tamara in the pool and nudged her arm, before going after Toi. Clint did a cannonball into the pool from the other end and the two men began to play with Toi, tossing the ball and other objects for her to fetch. She even played tug-of-war with Clint, pulling him through the water. 

Tamara watched them playing, glad to see Steve relaxed. She looked up when Natasha and Sam took seats on the bench to watch the game as well.

Tasha studied the kitten in Tamara’s lap. “Where did that come from? I thought Toi couldn’t breed after that boar got her.”

Tamara stroked the kitten, listening to the attempts at purring. “She can’t. All I know is Bast needs me to watch over it. I went out on the balcony last night; asked Heimdall if he could get a message to Bast so I can find out exactly what is going on.”

Sam’s eyes grew wide right before Tamara heard a somewhat familiar voice. “It is simple. In his own form, the kitten was sorely wounded and near death. I transformed him to protect him as he heals and recovers. But I did not expect him to become so young, he needed someone who would care for him and protect him until he transforms. Someone he could recognize as trustworthy. Healers have a certain aura that those sensitive to magic can feel. Other than in Asgard, Tamara is the only true healer I trust. And Asgard is still focused on recovering from the Dark Elf attack.” Toi had come closer and she cozied up to Bast as though seeking approval. Bast stroked her ears as Steve and Clint joined them. “Odin would demand answers that are not mine to give before he would allow his healers to care for a transformed magic user. When I transformed him, it also healed the physical injuries to the body. But near death leaves its own marks. His magic has been focused on healing his mind, but as his mind recovers, he will grow rapidly. Once he is healed enough, he will know the counter-spell to transform back.”

“Are we in any danger here?” Steve had an edge to his voice that Tamara didn’t trust right now.

“No, those who tried to kill him have been dealt with. And those who tortured him in the past cannot find him in this form. But it is best that his identity remains a secret. Among magic users, names are powerful. A name alone can draw unwanted attention and focus that would lead here. When he returns to his own form, his magic will be more than enough to protect himself and any other person he chooses.” Bast waved her hand and a glow began to develop in front of their eyes. “I must return to my own realm but I shall be watching.” With that, she turned and stepped into the glow and vanished.

The short meeting with Bast had put a damper on everyone’s fun and they all went back to their own floors to change. After Tamara changed, she joined Steve on the common floor with the others for a movie night. The movie was just starting when lightning began to flash outside the tower. It only lasted for a few seconds and ended with a bright flash striking the tower. Sam just watched, not sure why this display didn’t bother anyone until he heard a booming voice.

“My friends, it is good to be back.”

Tamara rushed the figure striding through the door and wrapped her arms around him tightly. “I’m glad you came back. How’s your mother?”

“She has recovered from her physical wounds but the loss of Loki has taken a toll.” Thor’s face grew more solemn. “She denies he is gone and none can convince her otherwise. She ordered me to return here but did not say why, only that I would understand soon enough.”

Sam was introduced to Thor and found himself wrapped in a friendly hug. “Greetings, Son of Wil. I am pleased to make your acquaintance.”

Sam staggered slightly when Thor released him. “Heard a lot about you dude. Call me Sam.”

Toi was on the couch beside Steve with the kitten which began to meow when Thor approached. He hesitated to touch it until Toi nudged it closer. “Heimdall told me of Bast’s request. If you wish, I can take the kitten to Asgard. Even Odin would not push Eir if she chose to care for a magic user.”

Tamara trusted Thor that the kitten would be safe but she shook her head anyways. “No, it can stay here. Bast says we’re in no danger. Besides, it can’t hurt to be on the good side of other realms along with Asgard.”

Thor nodded. “Very well, but if you decide otherwise..”

“I'll come straight to you. But right now, I'm tired. We can catch up more tomorrow.” Tamara started for the elevator with Toi by her side. Her knee was still bothering her and she wanted nothing more than to rub in some of the ointment Jake had made for her. 

She felt a hand brush hers and she looked up to see Steve. “You’re still limping, is it that bad?” 

Tamara just nodded as the elevator door opened. “Gonna try some of Jake's ointment. If it works, it'll numb it long enough for me to get to sleep.”

Steve joined her on the elevator. “Let me help you, it's gotta be easier if someone else works the ointment in for you. I won’t do anything you don't want me to do.”

The doors opened on their floor and she waited for Toi to step out with the kitten. It had been years since her knee had hurt this much so when Steve reached an arm around her waist, she leaned on him gratefully. He guided her not to her room, but to his bed which was much larger than hers.

She was already dressed in shorts and a tank top so she didn't have to change. She could sleep comfortable in what she was wearing. Steve left her there but returned with a glass of juice for her and the medicines he knew she only used on the really bad nights. As she drank the juice down, he left to collect the ointment for her knee.

When he returned, she was stretched out on one side of his bed with a pillow under her knee. He opened the ointment and spread a small amount around her knee. As his strong hands began to work the ointment into her skin, he could feel the muscles begin to slowly relax and stretch out again. Before he had finished, Tamara had drifted off to sleep.

Steve wiped his hands off and changed clothes, then slid into bed beside Tamara. He tried to ignore how close she was and he succeeded until she turned over and moved closer. She laid one arm across his waist and he moved his left arm to allow her to cuddle. As much as he wanted more from her, he meant what he told her. It was entirely up to her how fast things moved. And if all she wanted was to cuddle right now, then he'd gladly give her that. With a quick kiss to her forehead, Steve shifted to get comfortable before going to sleep himself.

James watched through his scope as Steve got comfortable. He didn’t know why Steve wasn't making a move on the dame. The Steve he remembered might not have known many ladies but he wasn't shy about showing interest either. Frustrated from a day spent watching the dame and only learning her first name, _Tamara_ , he decided to follow Steve the next time he went out. Turning on the motion detector connected to his scope, he stretched out to get some sleep.


	7. Chapter 7

Tamara awoke the next morning to find herself alone in Steve’s bed. But the clatter from the kitchen let her know he was still there. She stretched out her right leg to see how much flexibility she had in her knee. Once she was satisfied it hadn't stiffened up overnight, she made her way to the kitchen.

Steve was at the stove cooking eggs when she entered. “I was gonna wake you when breakfast was finished. How's your knee?”

“Not as stiff as it was yesterday but I should probably use my brace today.” Tamara poured a glass of juice and took a seat at the table as Steve finished the eggs.

“Will the bike bother it or should I borrow a car from Tony?”

“I'd much rather ride the bike. I'll just put some more ointment on it.”

“Good, because we are taking a day off. Wear something comfortable. And we'll need to leave Toi here with the kitten.” Steve set a plate in front of Tamara before joining her with his own breakfast. 

Tamara agreed. “After what Bast said, I think Toi needs to stay here unless we absolutely need her for a battle. The kitten is safer in the tower. So what's the plan for today?”

Steve smiled. “Just a day for the two of us to relax and pretend to be regular people. But I do have plans for dinner.”

In spite of her questions as they ate, Steve refused to tell her what he had planned for the day. He did suggest a lightweight top though, citing the warm weather. When Tamara returned dressed in a black jeans and a deep burgundy top, he just smiled. She noticed Steve was wearing a pair of his boots so she followed suit, pulling on a pair of comfortable hikers and lacing them up.

Toi joined them in the elevator and they let her off on the common floor before going down to the garage. Once they reached the garage, Steve led her to a shiny new Harley. A pair of helmets hung from the handlebars and she took the one he offered. Steve dropped a pair of jackets into the right saddlebag, leaving room beside the first aid kit. He offered her an arm for balance as she swung her right leg over the seat and got comfortable. Once she was seated, Steve joined her after confirming with JARVIS that the comms in the helmets were active. 

James had watched from his perch as Steve gathered the coats earlier and he had even seen him in the garage when an employee left earlier. Now he was hidden in a nearby alley, out of view of cameras. As he heard the roar of a bike starting, he steadied the custom pistol in his hands and waited. When Steve stopped to check traffic before entering the street, James fired and tagged the rear fender with a tiny tracking device. He might not be able to keep up on foot or on his bike taken from a Hydra agent but he would know where Steve was going. At least it didn’t look like a mission.

Steve turned west out of the garage and within a few minutes he was turning south onto the 478. “Let me know if you need me to stop but it’s less than an hour ride.”

Tamara didn’t reply but he felt her nod against his back. She no longer held him tightly when he offered to take her for a ride, at least, not because she was scared. She held her arms around his waist loosely, just barely able to see over his shoulder. From that position, she could could tell he’d already had a shower that morning, her nostrils teased with the smell of his shampoo and his own mix of spice and earthy musk. She breathed deeply, enjoying the smell and the feelings of safety and home it brought her. Closing her eyes, she relaxed and let herself feel the way he moved easily with the motion of the bike. The way he effortless shifted his weight to keep them balanced. Riding like this, it reminded her of when she used to go horseback riding. It seemed like almost no time before the bike was slowing and she opened her eyes, not knowing what to expect. 

Steve turned the bike into a parking area and helped her off, then secured the helmets with a lock. He might be a trusting fellow but he wouldn’t make it easy for anyone to steal either. Pocketing the keys, he guided Tamara towards the Aquarium. “I thought you might enjoy the aquarium, and then afterwards, maybe I can show you around Coney Island?”

“Sounds great.” When Steve reached for her hand, she took his and moved closer, leaning into him as they entered the building. They spent the morning wandering around the aquarium; many of the objects and exhibits reminded Tamara of growing up at the beach and Steve was able to coax her into talking about her family. 

He had planned ahead and tossed some of the high protein energy bars he carried for missions into his pocket. So when he heard Tam’s stomach rumble, he just handed her one without a word. “I figured we could get lunch here on the Boardwalk but I brought some snacks too.” He held the door for her as they exited the building. “How’s your knee? You up for a little walking?”

“Not too bad right now, it’s more stiff than painful. Why?”

Steve just grinned and guided her across the parking lot. Neither one noticed the figure watching them. James watched as Steve led Tamara towards the Cyclone. He shoulda figured, it’s not a trip to Coney Island without a ride on the Cyclone. James found a quiet spot where he could watch. And sure enough, that first drop had the dame tucked in close to Steve, his arms wrapped protectively around her. The ride wasn’t long and James watched as they exited, laughing and smiling at each other. 

After leaving the Cyclone, Steve took Tamara around to more of the rides but skipping the giant water slide. She’d come a long way in her attitude and anxiety about the scars covering her body but it was a big leap to go from no longer hiding the scars from the team to not hiding them in public. By lunch time, Steve had worked his way around to Famous Nathan's where he ordered the food while Tamara stretched her leg out on the bench at a picnic table. 

Steve joined Tamara at the table a few minutes later with two trays. He set them down carefully and sat so he had the wall of the building behind him. Tamara had expected that, and was used to it, considering Clint and Tasha were the same way. “This is one of the few places I do remember. Came here with Bucky a few times. We'd eat lunch here and spend most our time wandering around the island.”

Tamara eyed his tray, noticing his hot dogs weren't loaded down like when they grilled out at the tower. “You didn’t have to skimp on the toppings. I'm not that allergic to onions.”

“I wasn't sure since you never handle them when cooking.” 

Tamara gave Steve a soft smile. “Go get them topped like you want. If they can grill the onions, it'd be safer for me. The juice seems to be my biggest problem.”

Steve took his tray and went back inside as Tamara started to eat. She was nervous about dating Steve and all morning she’d felt like people were staring. She doubted anyone had recognized Steve since she hadn't heard any cameras going off. But Steve was handsome and here he was with her, the definition of average. She knew she could stand out in a crowd, Pepper and Tasha had proven that to her. No, her problem was she spent the last years of her childhood learning to disappear into a crowd, to be just another face. She was still afraid of being recognized as a mutant, and the attention it could bring. 

She was lost in thought so she startled when Steve set his tray back down. “Hey, you okay? Looked a little lost.” He took her right hand in his and rubbed it gently, grounding her in the here and now.

She squeezed his hand back. “I'm fine, promise. Just sometimes I feel like people are staring at me. I feel exposed when I'm alone, like people can see that I'm different. There's people out there who think people like me should die. They don't care that some of us can help other people. I spent so long hiding who and what I am, it's hard to let go of that.”

James was close enough to hear the conservation and he wondered what the dame meant about _“people like me”_? He hadn't eaten in hours, even though he knew he needed to eat far more often. He could tell the dame was upset and knowing him, Steve would be focused on her for at least a few minutes. James ducked into Nathan's and the smells and sounds dredged up an old memory. He remembered bringing a little dark haired girl here, not long before he shipped out. He couldn’t remember much else but he remembered how brave she tried to be. “Becca” he whispered. “I called her Becca.”

James ordered several hotdogs and took them outside to eat where he could watch Steve more. Following him around all morning had triggered several memories, but at least they were happy ones. He sat far enough way to not hear what they were discussing but he was still done well before they were. After they ate, he continued to discreetly follow the pair around Coney Island. Several times he noticed Steve looking around as though he knew they were being watched but he never saw James. That was one bit of training he was willing to use.

As night began to fall, Steve led Tamara back to his bike. James watched from across the parking lot as they both pulled on jackets and helmets. He donned his own gear and followed Steve from the parking lot. He checked the tracker several times and noticed it looked like Steve was going back to the tower. Instead, Steve detoured to Rockefeller Center where James parked down the street.

Steve led Tamara inside to the elevators that would take them to the top of the building. Thankfully, the only other person was the operator. “Did you have fun today?” he asked as he pulled her close.

Tamara leaned back against his broad chest. “I had a wonderful time. Although I'm not so sure about the Cyclone. Is that thing really safe?”

Steve laughed. “I'm sure, it's a historical landmark. They take the upkeep and safety very seriously.” He held her loosely, his chin resting on her shoulder as the elevator rose to the top and the observation deck. When the doors opened, Tamara stepped out into the cool night air.

Steve was stopped by the operator. “Take all the time you need, young man. Looks like this is a special night for you two.”

Steve blushed. “Thanks Mr…”

“Just Stanley, mister makes me feel old.”

“It’s our first real date. We’ve been friends for a couple of years now.”

The old man nodded. “Being friends first is the best way to start a relationship. I grew up with my wife. Been married over 50 years now. Just let me know when you're ready.”

“Thanks Stanley.” Steve reached out to shake the old man's hand. Stanley watched him join his lady on the deserted rooftop.

Steve made sure Tamara was aware of him before he wrapped his arms around her again. “Isn’t it beautiful? I liked coming up here to draw when I was growing up. Something peaceful about the city at night. Course it looks a whole lot different now but it's still amazing.”

“I can see why. I bet the sunset is gorgeous.” Tamara turned around to face Steve. She hesitated but then tipped her head back in invitation. Steve kissed her gently before leading her back to the elevator.

“I enjoyed today.”

“We’re not quite done. I figured we could stop somewhere to eat before we go home.”

“Sounds great. We both need to eat again, those protein bars are not a real meal.”

When they left Rockefeller Center, Steve had a destination in mind, a small diner here in Hell's Kitchen. He knew how much Tamara enjoyed breakfast foods and he had checked the menu online. Like many diners, this one served breakfast all day. It only took a few minutes to get there and it was almost empty when they arrived. Only two other booths were occupied. One by another couple; while the second held a trio consisting of a blind man, a woman, and a sandy haired man.

They took a booth and waited for the waitress to take their orders. Steve would have liked nothing more than to be sitting beside Tamara, to have her in his arms. But he could feel the tension radiating off her. So he sat across from her and reassured her the best he could. When the waitress arrived, he was holding her hand lightly, his thumb rubbing the back gently. 

It didn’t take long before the waitress was carrying their orders out to the table. While they waited, Steve told Tamara about his mom and growing up in Brooklyn. Tamara told him more about her dad and what it was like growing up at the beach. Both were careful not to discuss anything potentially revealing in public.

The other couple left not long after they arrived while the trio seemed to be discussing work. The woman had a notebook out as the two men talked. From the sound of things, Steve was guessing they were attorneys. As Steve and Tamara ate, he caught her watching the trio several times. But since she never said anything, he chose to ignore it.

They finished eating and Steve went to pay as Tamara headed for his bike. She was limping slightly, her knee beginning to ache, as she exited the diner. She picked up her jacket to put it on when she felt a hand grab her arm. She knew it wasn’t Steve, she could see him inside taking his billfold out to pay. She reacted as Tasha had taught her; she kicked backward, aiming for knee level. She was shoved sideways, into the arms of a large man.

“She’s got fight, we’ll take her and the bike.”

Tamara struggled against the man holding her and when that failed, she kicked out at the bike, triggering the alarm Tony had installed. Inside, Steve dropped his wallet to barrel out the door into the man holding Tamara. She was able to get loose then and Steve pulled her behind him. He didn't say a word but he reached a hand back for hers. She squeezed twice, a team signal that she wasn't injured. 

Knowing she wasn't hurt eased his mind a little but how _dare_ these men think of touching her. His fists clenched as he straightened up; Tamara could almost feel his rage. She knew he’d been forcing down his anger at what his friend had gone through and now, she feared he was going to let it out.

“Steve, let’s go. I'm fine.” She tugged at his arm but it was like pulling at a tree.

Steve stood firm, he knew men like these. They wouldn't let both of them walk away but he could handle them long enough for Tamara to get back inside the diner. “Go back inside and call our friends for a ride. I'll be right there.” He just hoped Tam would swallow her pride and let him protect her this time.

Tamara didn't say anything, she knew Steve was right so she tapped his left hip to signal her agreement. Steve began to circle around to get the diner door behind him, remaining between Tamara and the men the entire time. When he felt a light tap on his back, he let loose his pent up anger with a loud roar, drawing most of the attention to him as he charged the largest man and Tamara darted for the door.

Inside the diner, the waitress noticed the fight brewing and had already called the police. She interrupted the trio to move them away from the front windows, just in case. Tamara reached for the door handle but lost her grip when she was jerked away and spun around to slam backward against the window. She saw the glint of steel and she struggled to get free, kicking and punching like she had been trained. 

Steve heard Tamara cry out when she hit the glass and he punched violently at the men surrounding him. He dodged fists swung at him and mostly avoided the knives he saw flashing around him, letting them slice him to avoid being stabbed. He heard the muffled sound of silenced gunfire and a scream of pain from Tamara. Now he didn't hold back, these men didn't matter to him but Tamara did. He heard more gunshots as the men around him began to fall away.


	8. Chapter 8

Tamara couldn’t stop the tears from falling as pain shot through her left shoulder. The man who stabbed her dropped like a rock, blood spreading from the center of his forehead like a blooming flower. She didn’t know who shot him so she stayed low and pulled the diner door open. Everyone inside was crouched low after that first gunshot. Tamara never heard the next shot but she needed to get to a safe place. She could feel blood on her right thigh, slowly soaking into her jeans but she ignored the pain from the gash to get behind a booth. Tamara breathed deeply, trying to block the pain out so she could think clearly. She spotted the trio and risked calling attention to herself. “Red.. please... I need help.” She said very softly, knowing he would hear her if she was right.

Matt heard the girl's voice and he hesitated for a split second. But he could tell by her heart rate and the way she breathed, she was injured and in pain. When he started to move towards her, Foggy grabbed his arm. 

“Are you crazy? Someone is shooting people out there.”

“I'm just going to the girl, not outside. The guy she was with, what did he look like?”

“Tall, muscular, short blond hair, why?”

“Remember that offer I told you about Foggy? It came through that girl, I recognize her voice. She needs our help.”

“Fine, we both go. Karen can stay here.”

Matt and Foggy crept across the floor to reach Tamara. She was propped against a booth, her right hand holding the knife steady that was sticking out of her left shoulder. Every tiny movement, even breathing, made it shift and she had to fight back tears. 

Foggy reached her first. “Man, that does not look good.” He started to reach up to her left shoulder.

Tamara struggled to focus through the pain, she didn’t know if anyone else in here had much medical training. “Don’t touch the knife!” she snapped out.

Foggy pulled his hand back quickly. “It can’t be helping to leave it in.”

“No, just leave it.” Tamara wanted desperately to check on Steve but she knew she was down for this fight. “Left front pocket, there’s a phone, get it.”

As Foggy awkwardly reached into her pocket, Matt was using a towel to apply pressure to the gash on her leg. Foggy finally pulled her phone out and started to hand it to Tamara, only to realize she couldn’t hold it. “So who do I call?”

“Just punch this sequence and when you hear a voice, tell them what’s going on.” Tamara recited a series of numbers that would call JARVIS. She almost cried again with relief when she heard his voice.

“How may I be of assistance Tamara?”

“She said to call this number to get help.”

“What assistance is required?”

“She needs a doctor.” Foggy wasn’t sure what else to say.

“Foggy, give me the phone and you keep pressure on her leg.” Matt held out his hand for the phone. “She has what feels like a three-inch gash across the top of her right thigh.” Matt reached behind Tamara to feel the end of the knife and she cried out in pain as it moved again. “She also has a knife through her left shoulder with about two inches sticking out the back, it’s about 1 inch wide. It’s right under the clavicle and I can hear it rubbing against the bone when she moves.”

“I am sending assistance, where is the man who was with her?”

“He’s outside, fighting the guys who did this. No idea what started it. Somebody out there has a gun…”

Matt was interrupted by the door swinging open wildly as Steve rushed in looking for Tamara. He dropped to his knees beside her where he noticed Matt holding her phone and talking to JARVIS.

Steve grabbed the phone without apology. “JARVIS, get Jake on the phone. We need a fast ride back to the tower.”

“Are you injured, Captain?”

“What’s wrong Steve?” Jake’s voice came over the phone as well.

“It’s Tam, she got stabbed in the shoulder, knife’s still in there.”

“Don’t take it out, do you have a kit on your bike?”

“Yeah, Tam just checked it a few days ago to make sure it was stocked.”

“Send someone to get it while I talk.” Steve quickly told Foggy the first aid kit was in the right saddlebag. Foggy hesitated only a second before going out to Steve’s bike. Bodies littered the ground, all of them moaning except the one that had stabbed Tamara. He grabbed the kit and hurried back inside to find that Karen had joined them and was helping to cut the edge of Tamara’s shirt around the knife as the voice on the other end of the phone talked.

“OK, JARVIS is ready to scan, keep the phone steady so he can get a clear image for comparison.” Steve held the phone as a light flashed from it and swept over Tamara’s shoulder.

“Based upon the comparison, it is not likely the knife has damaged the subclavian vein. However, the possibility exists for damage to the subclavian artery and the brachial plexus.”

“I’ve got the kit Jake, what do I need?”

“First, we’re gonna make this a little easier on her. Find the blue canister and insert it into the holder, then spray the area around the knife, front and back. Then spray her leg where it’s cut. Remember, it’s a topical anesthetic so don’t get it on your hands.” 

As Steve sprayed Tamara’s shoulder, Karen was cutting her pants leg open. Steve sprayed that cut as Karen pulled bandages from Steve’s first aid kit. Karen began to cover that injury as Steve continued to listen to Jake.

“In your kit are small packets that contain med bands. Apply the blue strip to her right rib cage over the center of her lung and the red band around her left wrist one inch above the joint.” Steve applied the strips as instructed, feeling slightly awkward at reaching under Tamara’s shirt. “Good, they’re transmitting.”

JARVIS interrupted. “Jake, her blood pressure is beginning to fall and her respirations are increasing rapidly.” 

“Dammit, Steve, check her skin, is she hot or cold?”

Steve put a hand to Tamara’s face. “Her face is cold but she’s sweating. What’s wrong with her Jake?”

“It sounds like she’s going into shock, you can’t wait for Clint and Tasha. You’re going to need to prop her feet above the level of her heart. Find something to cover her with, you have to keep her warm. You’ll have to lay her down but that means you have to stabilize the knife.”

Steve paled. “Jake”

“Steve, you have to. If you lay her down without stabilizing the knife, it could cause serious damage. You’ll need someone to help, is there anyone else with you?” At the tower, Jake was already getting supplies together to treat Tamara when she arrived.

Steve felt a hand brush his leg lightly and he looked up at Tamara’s pain filled eyes. She nodded, just barely, but it was enough. “Yeah, how do I do this?”

“You should have an ace bandage in your first aid kit, find it.”

“Got it.”

“Good, look at the angle of the knife in her shoulder; you need to hold the knife steady as someone else uses the ace bandage to strap her arm to her chest. Make sure the knife doesn't move. Let me know once you have her arm strapped.”

Steve held the knife steady as the blind man picked up the bandage and began to wrap it around Tamara’s arm and chest. The sandy haired man put tape over the end to secure the wrap. “OK Jake, her arm is secure.”

“Good, now, get a bunch of the gauze, you need to build up around the knife point in her back before you apply a dressing. How heavily is she bleeding?”

“It’s slowed down but still noticeable. What do I do?”

“Spray some of the anesthetic on her back, then use gauze around the knife point, then apply a dressing. On the front of her shoulder, secure the gauze around the knife as well. Don't worry about overdoing it with the anesthetic. You’ll need to lay her down so her shoulder is supported but no pressure is on the knife but remember to keep her feet elevated. Cover her as best you can, JARVIS will continue to monitor her vitals and I’ll be waiting in the garage when you arrive.”

The staff of the diner brought out more towels and Steve used them to cover Tamara. He settled himself on the floor with her, holding her carefully in his lap so the knife point wasn't touching anything. She closed her eyes and grew limp as she slipped into unconsciousness. He became worried when she didn't respond to him but at least her breathing had steadied. It still seemed like an eternity before Clint was slinging the door open, blankets in his arms. He helped Steve bundle her up but Steve refused to let Clint take her. Gathering her protectively in his arms, he limped out after Clint, ignoring his own wounds. Tasha was outside and she helped Steve settle into the back seat as Clint climbed into the driver’s seat and drove off without Tasha. “She’ll take care of things there and bring your bike back when she’s done.”

Steve just nodded, concern for Tamara his only focus right now. He was surprised when he heard a siren coming from the car but since it meant other cars were moving out of the way, he said nothing. It only took a few minutes before Clint was pulling to a stop in the garage. Steve held Tamara carefully as Jake started an IV to offset blood loss and provide pain relief.

Now that she was safe, he began to relax a little and he felt his own pain but he pushed away offers to help. He knew the bruises would be gone the next day and the few cuts he had received were nothing compared to Tamara being stabbed. He wanted nothing more than to take her back to his bed where he could protect her, but he followed Jake to medical instead.

Steve laid her down with obvious reluctance on the waiting bed, then stepped aside so Jake could tend her injuries. He was a bit surprised to see Sam waiting as well but when he was pushed down into a chair, he didn't argue. He sat quietly as Sam cleaned his cuts, with only a couple needing stitches. By the time Sam had finished with him, Jake was done with Tamara.

“She got real damn lucky, blade missed both the subclavian vein and artery; also missed the rotator tendon. Based on the amount of blood, she lost at least a liter. Too soon to tell about the brachial plexus.” When Steve looked at him with confusion, Jake elaborated. “The brachial plexus is the main cluster of nerves for the arm. I can't test for nerve damage until the pain meds wear off.”

Tasha walked into the room then and tossed his wallet at him. Steve caught it without thinking. “Police have all of them in custody. No idea on the shooter, no shell casings were recovered at the scene. Whoever it was, they’re good. All clean shots, just the one casualty. They’ll still want to talk to you both.”

“Was anyone else hurt?”

“No. And that blind guy? He said to let Tamara know he’d come over with a cop he knows is trustworthy to do the questioning. Apparently, he and his friend run a small law firm in the area.”

“When?”

“He said when she's feeling up to it but the sooner the better. He told the investigating officer she has him on retainer for other legal matters. Do you know anything about that?”

Jake interrupted. “She did mention a while back she had someone on retainer for personal civil matters. Things she didn't want to have connected with SI. I don't know exactly what though.”

Steve moved to sit beside Tamara and take her hand. “How long does she need to stay down here?”

“Just until that bag of glucose is finished. Then you can take her upstairs.”

Tasha took a seat on Tamara’s other side. “I'll go up with you. I can change her clothes while you get cleaned up.”

Steve just nodded, knowing Tasha was showing her concern in her own way. He heard Jake talking to Sam about his own injuries but he ignored them. He'd heal just fine, he had the serum to thank for that. He didn’t pay attention to anything but Tamara, lying helpless in the bed until Jake came to remove the IV.

Jake strapped her left arm in place again to prevent movement, then allowed Steve to pick her up. He handed a small bottle to Tasha as Steve headed for the elevator. Once back on his floor, Steve took Tamara to his room instead of her own. Tasha pulled the covers back so he could lay her down, then she left to get clean clothes from Tamara’s room.

“Go shower, I'll stay with her while you change.” Tasha started to remove Tamara’s hikers. 

Steve hesitated but then he grabbed clean clothes and headed for his bathroom. Tasha waited for the shower to start before she began to change Tamara’s clothes. By the time Steve finished his shower, she had Tamara in a pair of her own shorts but she had resorted to putting one of Steve’s shirts on her. It made Tamara look more fragile but at least it wouldn’t put any pressure on her shoulder. Steve didn’t argue when he saw the bandages Tasha had laid out. He allowed her to recover the few that needed it and walked her back out, stopping by the kitchen to get something for Tamara to drink.

James watched through his scope as Steve made sure Tamara was comfortable before climbing into the bed beside her. He felt guilty that the dame got hurt, he should have been faster. He hadn't thought about where he was aiming when he shot the first guy, all that mattered was he was hurting Steve’s dame. The rest would live, but only because he remembered Stevie didn’t like killing.

Tamara was propped up against his pillows and Steve tucked the blanket around her before lying down himself. He lay on his side, his right arm resting on her waist where he could feel the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed. She shifted, a slight moan escaping in spite of the meds she was on. Steve moved closer, letting her feel his body beside hers. “We’re home Tam, I got ya.” He let his head rest against her right shoulder and she settled down. His last thoughts before sleep overtook him was that he could have lost her. So it was no surprise when he woke a few hours later from a nightmare. He'd dreamed that she was gone, that whoever had shot all those men had killed her. He spent the rest of the night lying in darkness, dozing off and on as he listened to her heartbeat, slow and steady as she slept.


	9. Chapter 9

During the night, Tamara had woke up more than once as the medicine wore off and her shoulder began to hurt again. Steve unstrapped her arm and opened the bandage to apply more of the topical anesthetic before securing her arm again. The last time had been just as dawn was breaking, the sky barely beginning to show streaks of pale pink. JARVIS darkened the windows as Steve made his way to the kitchen for fresh juice for Tamara. 

“Tell Clint I’m gonna skip the run this morning, Tam had a rough night.”

“Shall I arrange for breakfast to be delivered?”

“Yes, thank you JARVIS, the usual for me. Can you check with Jake first, see if Tamara’s needs to be adjusted before you order? I’m gonna grab a snack right now. I think 9 am would be fine for delivery.”

“The order is placed, Vivian will bring it up personally.”

Steve just nodded as he munched on a protein bar. He carried an extra back to his room and helped Tamara sit up so she could eat and drink the juice. “Vivian will be bringing breakfast up at 9, you need anything else right now?”

Tamara grimaced. “Bathroom”

Steve helped Tamara stand and she leaned on him to get to the bathroom. He straightened up the bed while he waited for her to finish. 

“Ummm, Steve, I have a small problem.”

“What?”

“I can’t stand back up on my own.”

“Oh, maybe Tasha could come up and help you.” Steve started for his door.

“I don’t wait to sit here and wait. Just cover your eyes and step inside. You can help me stand and then leave the room.”

“Are you sure?” 

“No, but it’s better than waiting.”

Steve opens the bathroom door and covers his eyes, then steps inside. Luckily, he has a photographic memory so he knows exactly how many steps to take to reach the toilet. He holds his right hand out and when he feels Tamara take it, he pulls her to her feet, then turns around. “Anything else?”

Tamara is very embarrassed but she manages to speak with only a little of that embarrassment showing in her voice. “Just give me a minute to get decent.” He can hear the noise as she adjusts her clothing. “OK, I’m decent. Can you help me clean up? Kinda hard to do that with just one hand.”

Steve breathes a sigh of relief. “Sure, then we’ll get you back to bed.” He adjusts the water, then gets soap on his hands and washes her right hand off. Her hand seems so small with both his hands wrapped around it. Her face is dirty from crying in her sleep so he takes a washcloth and wipes it off, then offers her his arm to lean on.

She lets him help her back to bed and takes the medicine Jake ordered. She won’t admit how much her shoulder hurts but it’s enough to drown out the pain in her knee. She rolls to her right side, taking pressure off her shoulder but when Steve starts to go to leave the room, she stops him. “Hold me?”

She feels the bed dip as Steve stretches out behind her. He wraps his left arm around her waist and pulls her close as gently as he can. “Go back to sleep Tam, you’re safe.” It only takes a few minutes before he hears her breathing even out and slow down as she drifts off into a drug-induced sleep. He slips his right arm under her neck to embrace her and not once does she stir. The back of her neck is exposed and he kisses it softly before resting his chin against her shoulder. Closing his eyes, he tries to forget how he felt when he saw her injured and focus instead on the fact that she is alive, here in his arms. Eventually, he falls asleep again, Tamara held safe within his arms. 

It’s much later when he wakes again but he figures it must be close to 9 am, judging by the sounds coming from his kitchen. Tamara is still sleeping so he carefully slips from the bed doing his best not to wake her. He’s still wearing just his shorts when he enters the kitchen, not expecting anyone except Vivian and maybe Roy. Instead, Vivian is accompanied by the blind man from the night before and an officer in uniform.

“Captain, these men are here to speak with you about the incident last night. JARVIS asked me to escort them up.”

“It’s fine Vivian, thank you for bringing breakfast up. Gentlemen, do you mind waiting until after she’s eaten to talk to Tamara? I can put my breakfast off to speak with you now.”

The blind man reached out his right hand. “It’s fine Captain Rogers. I’m Matthew Murdock of Murdock and Nelson; this officer is Sergeant Brett Mahoney. I should have waited for someone to contact me but I was concerned about Tamara. How is she?”

“She’ll recover, would you like to sit while we talk?” Steve eyed Matt for just a split second. “There is a chair eight feet four inches in front of you, located eight inches to your right side.”

Steve led Officer Mahoney to the chairs as Mr. Murdock followed. “You’ve had experience with the blind before, I’m impressed.”

Steve shrugged. “Not really, but I know that a blind person can navigate just fine if they know the precise location of obstructions. Just how do you know Tamara?”

“She came to my office several months ago. We have a mutual friend who shall remain nameless; he works at a newspaper office. Tamara has mentioned him visiting the tower more than once.”

It didn’t take Steve long to connect the dots mentally. “The young man from Queens I believe? And call me Steve.”

“Then you should call me Matt, and yes, that’s the young man I mean.” 

“Matt, you said the police have some questions?”

“You understand this is all routine.” Officer Mahoney flipped open a notebook. “How well do you know the young woman who was involved?”

Matt registered the change in Steve’s heart rate and it confirmed what he'd suspected the night before. “You are a very public figure. The police just want to be sure this wasn't a setup in an attempt to harm you.”

“I can assure you that Tamara would never do anything to hurt any of the Avengers. She's lived here in the tower since before she turned 18; Miss Potts was her guardian.” Steve fidgeted, hoping the officer wouldn’t ask more about his relationship with Tamara. 

Toi entered the room then, to stretch all seventy-five lbs of her Asgardian form out on the floor in front of the couch. The little black kitten came bounding in after her, much larger and far more mobile than he had been the night before.

“What is that?” Officer Mahoney exclaimed. 

Toi’s ears swiveled, just before Steve heard a faint “Steve” from his bedroom.

“Excuse me, I need to check on Tamara.” He left the two men and returned to his room. Tamara was not fully awake but her breathing was ragged and traces of tears marred her face. He sat down and pulled her upright, wrapping his arms around her, mindful of her shoulder. “Shh, it’s okay doll, you're safe, you're home.”

Matt wasn’t intentionally listening but it was impossible for him to ignore the choked sobs he could hear from Tamara or the way her heart was racing. “I dreamed you were gone, that they killed you last night.”

Steve rocked her gently. “I'm fine, I'm not going anywhere.” After a few minutes, she began to calm down and Steve released her to grab a wet cloth from the bathroom. He wiped away the tears and tossed the cloth on the nightstand. “The police need a statement about last night. Are you up to it right now?”

Tamara nodded weakly. “Can you stay with me?”

“Not even Thor could drag me away. How’s your leg, can you walk?”

Tamara struggled to stand, then put more of her weight on her right leg. “I can if you help me.”

Steve helped her into the living room, to the couch across from the two men waiting patiently. Once she was seated, he headed for the kitchen to get her some juice and medicine. “Thanks for helping last night, Matt.”

“You sound like hell, how do you feel?”

That made Tamara laugh weakly. “I feel like hell. Jake said the knife missed the main blood vessels but we can't rule out nerve damage until after my shoulder heals. At least I can still move my fingers. He said the cut on my thigh was a clean cut so hopefully no scarring of the muscle tissue.”

Steve returned then, a glass of juice in his hand, along with several pills. “Jake's orders; antibiotics and a painkiller and no activity until he clears you.”

Tamara took the juice and medicine, swallowing the pills before drinking most of the juice. Steve sat beside her, his knee just touching hers. “What do you need to know Officer?”

“We just need to get a statement about what you remember from last night. What started the fight, who was involved, anything you can remember.”

Tamara took a deep breath, then began to speak. “Steve and I had supper at that diner. My knee was bothering me so I started for his bike while he went to the register to pay. I was putting my jacket on when someone grabbed my arm. I knew it wasn’t Steve, I could see him inside. So I kicked back, aiming for the knee like the SI self-defense classes instruct.”

Officer Mahoney interrupted. “These classes, are they open to anyone or just select people?”

JARVIS spoke, causing Officer Mahoney to look around for the speaker. “The classes Miss Tamara is referring to are available to any employee and their families; they are offered every month. Sir wishes his employees to feel confident they can protect themselves if they are ever attacked.”

“So you had some basic self-defense.”

“Yes, the objective of the classes is to teach us how to escape. That's why I kicked the guy.”

“What happened next?”

“I was shoved at someone else and I started kicking, trying to get loose but I couldn't. So I kicked the bike hoping the alarm would trigger and it did. Steve came out the door and hit the guy holding me and I was able to get loose. He distracted them so I could make a run for the diner.”

Officer Mahoney didn't look up from the notes he was taking. “Did you hear any names, anyone say anything?”

Tamara trembled and Matt could hear her heart pounding. “One of them said something - I had fight, that they'd take me and the bike. I panicked and that's when I kicked the bike.”

Steve took her hand in his and rubbed it, soothing her and reassuring her she was safe at the same time. She leaned into him, tears brimming in her soft brown eyes. “I was trying to get into the diner when someone grabbed me again. I remember struggling, then searing pain in my leg. I was slammed into the door on my back and I couldn't get away before a knife was stabbed into my shoulder. I never heard the gunshot but blood started spreading from the center of the guy's forehead. All I could think about was to follow Steve’s orders and get inside.”

“What can you tell me about the incident last night Captain Rogers?”

“Like she said, I went to pay as she started for my bike. I heard the alarm go off and I couldn't see her, just a bunch of guys around my bike. Then I saw one guy back up, he was holding her arms and she was kicking at him. I charged him from behind and he let go. Once I had her behind me, I instructed her to get inside the diner and call for a ride.”

“Why didn't you try to get inside the diner as well?”

“Because I knew she had a better chance of getting to safety if I kept them occupied. I've fought against men like them before. I knew we both weren't going to get away without injury. So I charged into them, trying to knock down as many as I could. I wasn’t concerned about getting hurt, I’m tougher than I look.”

“Did you see any guns?”

“No, mostly knives although one of them did have a ball bat. I was trying to just put them down as quickly as possible but then I heard Tamara scream and a gunshot. Whoever was doing the shooting, they had a silencer.”

“We recovered slugs from several of the men, just the one casualty. This morning, shell casings from a Sig Sauer P220 were recovered from the next block up. Is it possible any of your teammates were the shooter?”

Steve shook his head vehemently. “No, the only ones capable of making a shot like that are Clint and Natasha; they were both here at the tower. JARVIS dispatched them to assist after the fight had started. He can give you the details.”

“The call from Miss Tamara's phone came in at 10:18 pm. I immediately dispatched Mr. Barton and Miss Romanov to assist. Captain Rogers took control of the call at 10:20 pm and requested I connect the doctor. I continued to monitor the call and Mr. Barton arrived at the diner at 10:26 pm. The call was ended at 10:32 pm at which point I began to monitor the vehicle. The vehicle proceeded straight to the tower and arrived at 10:38 pm where it was met in the garage by the doctor. Mr. Barton returned to the communal floor while Captain Rogers and Miss Tamara were taken to medical. Miss Romanov returned to the tower at 11:27 pm on Captain Rogers’s motorcycle. She parked the motorcycle in his designated space, then proceeded to the medical ward. That is where she met Captain Rogers and she remained to assist him with making Miss Tamara comfortable once she was cleared to return to her own room.”

Officer Mahoney closed his notebook. “Thank you for your time. We would appreciate it if you could both come down to the station for a lineup. See if we can identify which of the men were restraining her. Right now, all we can hold them on are assault related charges. But if she can identify the men who restrained her, then we may be able to add other charges.”

“Thank you, Officer. Is your precinct wheelchair accessible? I know the doctor will insist she not walk much until her leg is healed.” Steve stood to escort both men to the door.

“It is”

Steve brought breakfast over to Tamara, then escorted both men to the elevators. “JARVIS, ask Jake when he has time to check on Tamara please.” Steve pushed the button for the elevator. “I’ll contact Mr. Murdock after the doctor has checked Tamara and cleared her, he can make the arrangements with you.”

Sergeant Mahoney stepped onto the elevator but Matt did not join him. “Thanks for coming over Brett. I’ll contact you later.” Matt turned away from the elevator. “Can we talk privately somewhere?”

“JARVIS, privacy protocols please.” He motioned back towards the couch, forgetting that Matt was blind. “Sorry, we can talk here.”

Matt sat back down in the chair he had occupied earlier. “I need to know exactly what your connection is with Tamara. The police could ask more questions about why you were together. I can't object to them as irrelevant to the incident unless I know beforehand what is going on.”

Tamara blushed and Matt registered the change in her heart rate but it was Steve who answered. “We're dating, last night was actually our first date.”

Matt just nodded, that was the answer he had expected. “How long have you known each other?”

“Close to two years, Steve was here when I moved into the tower.”

“I can put Brett off but I can’t guarantee anything about other officers. They could ask for specific details, like if you're sleeping together.” Matt wasn’t surprised by the blush he felt rising on both of them; with his heightened senses, he knew they had shared a bed last night but that nothing had occurred. “My advice would be to refuse to speak with anyone other than Brett.”

Tamara had eaten only a small portion of her food but Matt could hear her breathing slowing as the painkillers from earlier took effect. “You should probably get her back to bed. I’m glad I had the opportunity to meet you, Captain. I just wish it had been under better circumstances. I can show myself out.” Matt stood and made his way to the elevators as Steve gathered Tamara in his arms.

As the elevator rose to meet him, Matt could hear a peculiar squeak, like a machine that needed to be oiled. So he was not overly surprised when a tracked robot rolled off the elevator. The robot rolled towards the bedroom as Matt entered the elevator. He knew it would be difficult to keep news of Steve and Tamara’s relationship secret but he also knew that if Brett remained in charge of the investigation, nothing would be said. 

Steve was getting Tamara tucked back into bed when the robot rolled through the bedroom door and stopped. “JARVIS, what is that?”

“This is MARI; I built her as a medical assistance robot, level 1. Her function is to assist with personal care; she can also track vitals and retrieve items such as drinks or medications.”

“Why?”

“I registered Tamara’s discomfort at asking for assistance this morning. By building MARI, Tamara will not need the assistance of another person for basic tasks such as dressing. This will allow her to function without the embarrassment you both experienced this morning.”

Steve studied the small robot which was a soft teal, in contrast to Tony’s other bots which were unpainted. It was about half the size of Tony's other bots with articulated arms and a cylindrical body over a dual tracked base. The right arm unit consisted of a multi-prong claw while the left arm unit ended in a small basket, not much larger than a cup holder. “That’s very considerate JARVIS.”

MARI rolled across the floor to stop near the bed. The claw arm reached to pull the blanket over Tamara as the bot made a sad beeping noise before it settled down.

“MARI expresses her regret at Tamara’s injury and your sadness.”

“Thank you MARI, keep an eye on her for me? I need to blow off some steam.” MARI beeped happily and Steve patted the little bot once before leaving the room.

Steve found Thor in the gym and rather than spend time pounding the heavy bag, he sparred with Thor. By the time JARVIS informed him that Tamara was stirring again, he was feeling less stressed and angry about what had happened to Tamara the night before.


	10. Chapter 10

When Steve returned to his own floor, he was a bit surprised to see Roy in the kitchen cooking. “Afternoon Captain. Lunch will be ready in a few minutes but you have time for a quick shower.”

“I've told you to just call me Steve.”

Roy continued to cook. “That you have sir, but when I am on duty, that familiarity is improper. Vivian and I shall be accompanying you and Miss Tamara to the police station. Vivian is helping her with a shower now.”

Steve noted the wheelchair waiting in the corner as he headed for his room and a shower. By the time he finished, he could hear Tamara attempting to argue with Vivian and getting nowhere. When he returned to the dining room, he found a grumpy Tamara seated in the wheelchair, tugging ineffectively at her skirt. It was a strange contrast between the soft flowing skirt and the over-sized t-shirt but it made sense as well. As he took his seat, he tuned into what Vivian was telling Tamara.

“If you don't want them to know about your healing, then you best listen to me. I know you're angry love, I would be too. But I also know what a regular person would be going through. Jake's given me strict orders on what you are allowed to do and you will follow those orders. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes Ma’am, Miss Vivian.”

Roy patted Vivian’s hand. “Reminds me of Pegs back in, what was it, 64? When she broke her leg on a mission?”

Vivian smiled fondly. “66 dear. 64 was when she recruited us in ‘Nam.”

Steve had only half listened to Roy and Vivian but the conversation did catch his attention then. “Who recruited you?”

“Peggy, of course; recruited me right from her hospital bed. We spent our honeymoon spying on some officers that were using the war to set up a drug operation. Stealing the medicines from the hospitals and selling it to the North Vietnamese army.”

“She’s just a friend that we’ve babysat a few times as she recovered. How did you think we ever met Timothy? Vivian was a nurse in ‘Nam and I was a cook. After she was recruited to tend to Pegs and a couple her boys that got shot, I refused to let Vivian go on adventures without me. Pegs was great and all, but nobody could ever protect my Vivian like I would; she’s everything to me.”

“She had a network all over the world, people she trusted. Howard had the pull to get transfers approved. When they started SHIELD, we were offered jobs but I had it hard with the twins. Howard gave us jobs, made sure we were took care of. Howard saw to it Roy got training to protect me and the kids and anyone I might be tending. Gave us a small estate outside the city with no nosy neighbors. And all we had to do was be willing to care for anyone who came to us with the right codes.”

“It was nice but after we lost the boys, well, it wasn’t home anymore. So Howard gave us an apartment in town.” Vivian wiped away a tear as Roy took her hand.

“I’m sorry, about your kids.” Tamara could feel how upset Vivian was at mention of her boys.

“It’s alright Miss. Been a long time since we lost them. Now, you need to eat to keep your strength up. Only a light dose of pain medicine until you are done at the police station. So eat up so we can get this done and get you back to resting.”

“Yes Sir.” Tamara couldn’t stop the small smile she felt at how Roy treated her, he reminded her so much of her grandfather Lucian.

Roy clearly knew how difficult eating could be one-handed because he had cooked with that in mind. Tamara ate the vegetables and pot pie with a spoon, relieved she was managing not to spill the food everywhere. In spite of everything, her shoulder was beginning to hurt again before she finished eating. Before she was done, Roy had finished and was busy at the counter, wrapping something in foil. He put the foil-wrapped packs into a small insulated bag and hung it from the back of the wheelchair. 

“Now I want you to listen carefully Tamara. Roy will be helping you in and out of the wheelchair. You will stay put and let me push, understood? The police may need the Captain elsewhere but you will not be alone and you will not be unprotected. None of those men will get anywhere near you, I promise you that.” Vivian didn’t wait for Tamara to say anything, she just pushed the wheelchair to the elevator.

It was a short ride down to the parking garage where Tamara was pushed to one of the larger cars. Roy helped her get comfortable in the back while Steve took the seat behind the driver. Vivian took the front seat as Roy moved to the driver’s seat. He turned on the radio to an oldies station as he turned out of the tower garage and headed for the police station.

At the station, Steve took the wheelchair from the trunk and waited as Roy helped Tamara get settled. Vivian pushed Tamara inside the station as Steve and Roy followed. Inside the station, they found Matt waiting for them with Foggy.

“The police need to get photos of your injuries. Foggy will go with Captain Rogers and I'll stay with Tamara.” Foggy led Steve down a hallway as Matt waited with Tamara. 

Tamara wanted to beg Steve not to leave her, she felt so vulnerable surrounded by all these unfamiliar people. Without realizing it, she began to breathe faster, as though her body was running away with her. Her right hand gripped the arm of the wheelchair and the muscles in her legs tensed. 

From his place near the counter, Matt registered the changes in Tamara’s heart rate and breathing. He knelt before her and gently eased her right hand free of the armrest. “Hey, focus on me Tamara, you're safe.” He motioned to Roy as he stood, Tamara still clutching his hand tightly. Roy took the hint and began to push Tamara away from the crowded area, towards a quiet hallway. 

Tamara was starting to calm down until a door slammed further down the hall. This hallway was darker than the main area and when Tamara saw several large figures further down the hall, she lost it. Her vision narrowed as she began to struggle with Matt. He let go of her hand and the wheelchair tipped backwards as she pushed, trying to get away from everyone. 

Roy tried to help her up but she shoved the wheelchair at him, knocking him down. Her panic hung so heavy in the air, Matt could almost feel it. He pulled Vivian back and sent her to go get Steve.

Several officers came to see what the commotion was about but that only increased Tamara’s panic. She found an unlocked door and pulled it open to reveal a utility closet. It wasn't a place to hide but now she had ammunition to throw. Matt was talking to her the entire time, trying to calm her down, but her panic had her beyond reason. She was throwing anything within reach and Matt had to let her make contact with him several times. 

Matt heard the buzz of a taser and he moved to block the door. “I don't know who has the taser but trust me, you don't want to use that. We have someone coming who can calm her down.”

Heavy footsteps could be heard running down the hall and the voice of Sergeant Malone ordering people away. Thankfully only a small group remained when Steve reached the hallway. He had his phone out and clearly JARVIS was listening because Matt could hear the AI on the other end.

Matt moved away from the door as Steve approached. He didn’t say anything, just sat down nearby. After just a minute, Jake's voice came over the phone.

“Tam, the Captain is here to bring you home. You're safe with him. Let him bring you home.” Jake continued to repeat this until Matt heard Tamara’s breathing begin to slow down as she calmed.

“Jake?”

“It’s okay sweetheart, Captain Rogers is going to bring you home. He won't let anyone hurt you. I promise.”

Steve noticed blood on the skirt. “She might have torn the stitches in her leg Jake.”

“If she'll let you, wrap it up more. Bring her to medical when you get back.”

Someone produced a first aid kit and Vivian tried to move close enough to check her leg but Matt stopped her when he hears Tamara’s heart quicken again. “I believe it would be best to let the Captain check the wound.”

Vivian handed the kit to Steve and he could see blood seeping through the bandage on her leg. He wrapped it tighter, glancing up at Tamara’s face to make sure he wasn't hurting her. Tamara’s eyes were darting around at every noise. She was beginning to sweat now, panting in fear. She sagged against the wall as her vision began to dim.

Steve wanted nothing more than to wrap her in his arms but he fought the urge. He stayed focused on Tamara but he could hear people moving around behind him so he didn't startle when Matt touched his arm.

“Brett is clearing a path to the intake hall. It's the quietest way out of the building. He's bringing a blanket to conceal her identity as well.”

Steve just nodded, he was too busy trying to get Tamara to calm down. He knew if she didn't calm down that she would hyperventilate herself into passing out. When she slumped over, he caught her and held her close. Matt produced the promised blanket and he wrapped her carefully before cradling her against his chest. 

As he stood up, he noticed the hallway was now empty except for Sergeant Malone and Matt. He was led out the back of the building where he found Roy and Vivian waiting with the car. Climbing into the back seat with Tamara, he waited for Matt to join them. Instead Matt just closed the door and Roy drove them back to the tower.

When they returned to the tower, Steve carried Tamara straight to the medical ward. She was just beginning to stir as the elevator stopped. Steve headed for one of the private rooms, knowing JARVIS would notify Jake. He was laying her down on the bed when he heard Jake enter the room.

“Do you know what set her off?” Jake cut the bandage off to check the wound on her leg.

“No idea, I wasn’t with them at the time. The police needed photos of my injuries for the records. Vivian came to get me, said she was having a panic attack.”

Jake looked up from where he was numbing her leg to replace the stitches she had torn loose. “This isn’t like her, she’s been in plenty of fights. I’ll see if Charles can come visit, find out why she had a panic attack from this.”

“Is she gonna be okay?” Steve couldn’t keep the concern out of his voice.

Jake finished replacing the bandage on Tamara’s leg. “Once we find out what triggered this panic attack, we can figure out how to hopefully prevent them. For now, just take her back upstairs. Let her wake up in familiar surroundings.”

Steve picks her up gently and she turns her head towards him, burying her face against his chest. JARVIS had an elevator waiting and stopped it when it reached their floor. Vivian was waiting and he laid her down reluctantly to step out of the room so Vivian could change her. He changed into a pair of shorts and grabbed some juice, along with the medicine Tamara needed to take. When he returned to his room, he found her under a blanket blinking sleepily. 

“What happened?”

“You had a panic attack at the police station. You don't remember?”

Tamara shook her head. “I remember getting there and you walking off somewhere. Nothing else.”

Steve sat down beside her and offered her the juice and medicines. “Jake said he'd ask the Professor to come see you. Said maybe he could figure out why you panicked. You need your sleep.”

Tamara swallowed the pills and emptied the glass of juice. Steve turned to leave the room so she could sleep but stopped when she grabbed his hand. “Don’t leave me, please.”

“Let me put this up and I'll be right back.” 

Tamara didn’t say a word, just waited for Steve to return. When he returned, she had tossed the blanket away. He climbed into the bed and lay on his back so she could curl up beside him and lay her head on his shoulder. He pulled the blanket over her as she protested. “You need to stay warm.”

“You’re better than a blanket, warm and soft” she muttered as she stopped fighting to stay awake.

Steve listened to her breathing slow as the medicines took effect. Once he was sure she was asleep, he asked JARVIS to call the Professor for him. He wasn't surprised when the phone was answered immediately. 

“Steven, I was expecting your call. I felt Tamara’s distress earlier. How is she?”

“She’s sleeping now. Between the panic attack and her injuries, she’s exhausted.”

“Remy and Marie are on their way, Oro is dropping them off in the jet. Now, tell me what happened.”

Steve told the Professor everything that had happened in the last week. Charles was pleased that Tamara was finally acknowledging her feelings for Steve. After hearing about the fight he began to have an idea what might have triggered the panic attack but he didn’t tell Steve. Instead, he sent a message to Remy appraising him of the new status quo and how Tamara was injured.

On the jet, Oro was talking to Logan when Remy told Marie about Tamara's injuries and Logan overheard. When the comm went dead, all three knew what that meant. Logan was finding a way to the tower himself. He’d been protective of her like he was with most the younger mutants. Ever since she had the guts to stand up to him to protect Remy all those years ago. Though she was a grown woman now, it was obvious she was still one of Logan’s _kids_.

Steve tried to stay awake, to wait for Remy and Marie but he was still recovering himself. He asked JARVIS to let Remy and Marie in the apartment when they arrived as he felt himself getting comfortable and sleepy.

When Remy arrived, he wanted to see Tamara for himself but he stopped when he saw her curled up sleeping in Steve’s arms. Closing the door quietly, he headed for the kitchen. If Tamara was injured, she would need to eat when she woke to build her energy back up. 

Tamara awoke for a few minutes several hours later, confused to find herself no longer in bed. Instead, she was now on the couch, stretched out across the laps of Steve and Remy. She caught a whiff of cigar and knew Logan was around somewhere. And if Remy was here, Marie was likely here as well. Not caring how she got in the living room, she was dimly aware of someone offering her a cold drink. She felt a warm hand press something to her lips and she obediently took the medicine. When the cold juice was returned to her lips, she drank it eagerly before giving in to the need to rest more. She burrowed deeper into the blanket wrapped around her as the two men above her tried to help her get comfortable. She could feel a warm and somehow familiar buzzing under her skin and she shifted into the contact. Steve was surprised to see Tamara seek out the violet glow surrounding Remy’s hand and he wondered what Remy was doing.

“She seeks the energy I can provide, like a cat seeks the sun. We have found that some people with advanced healing can use my energy to heal faster. It does not work for everyone but it at least soothes the pain for her.”

Across the room, Logan looked up from the sandwich he was fixing. “So when did you decide you wanted to date her Rogers?” He could smell the pheromones in the room, but he doubted anyone else could. 

Steve could hear the protectiveness in Logan’s voice. “I’ve cared about her since we met if that’s what you’re asking. But it wasn’t until after SHIELD fell that I realized how much I care about her. Buck..” his voice cracked and everyone could hear the unspoken grief. Steve took several slow breaths and held Tamara’s hand in his, rubbing the back in an attempt to focus. “It’s not common knowledge yet, and we’re trying to keep it from public knowledge but the Winter Soldier, it’s Bucky. I don’t know much right now but I know he wouldn’t have willingly helped them. JARVIS found references to a person called _The Asset_ in Hydra files. The files contained details on the brainwashing techniques and tortures used to make this asset comply. I can’t prove it but I think Bucky is this asset.”

“What’s that got to do with Tamara?” Logan took a seat across from Steve, a tumbler of whiskey in his hand and a bottle in front of him.

“When I came back, she took care of me, like Buck did. It took until the night of the party for me to realize how much she means to me. She was sitting alone outside, talking to JARVIS about how no one would ever treasure her. And I realized I didn’t want to lose her like I lost Buck.”

Remy had listened quietly as his hand rubbed soothing circles around the wound on Tamara’s leg. “Do you love her _mon ami_?”

“I don’t know” Steve admitted. “Like I told her, I’m not sure what love is. But I care a great deal about her and I would never do anything to hurt her.”

“See that you don’t Rogers.” Logan’s voice conveyed the unspoken _or else_.

“She is the only family I have and no matter how small that connection may be, I will let no man or woman harm her spirit. _Comprendre_?” Remy’s eyes glowed violet as he spoke.


	11. Chapter 11

It was dark outside when Tamara awoke again. She was tucked back into Steve’s bed, Toi a comforting presence beside her. The kitten was playing with Toi’s tail and Tamara marveled at how fast it was maturing. She remembered what Bast had said, that as the kitten’s mind healed, it would grow to adult size. Wondering how much longer it would be before she discovered the identity of the kitten, she pushed the blanket aside. She stumbled to the bathroom; her stomach rumbling as she limped towards the kitchen in the dark.

The living room was quiet but she _knew_ someone else was in the room with her. She tensed, but relaxed when she caught a whiff of something that reminded her of Cajun spices. “Remy?”

Remy unfolded his lean form from the couch where he had dozed off. “ _Cher_ , you should be sleeping.” Tamara’s stomach chose to rumble again and Remy just nodded in understanding. “Sit, I shall bring you something to eat.” 

When Remy returned, he handed Tamara a bowl. She didn't pay much attention to what was in the soup, she trusted Remy and he knew what she couldn't eat. She was too tired to even wonder why Remy was there or when he arrived; when he handed her some pills, she took them without arguing. Remy settled himself back on the couch and propped his feet on a chair. Tamara sat beside Remy and tucked her foot under her, leaning against his side. Remy draped a blanket over her, then began to stroke her hair. She leaned into the contact, relaxing in spite of herself. “I thought getting sliced was bad but I fucking hate getting stabbed.”

Remy chuckled. “I do not think even Wade enjoys being stabbed. Tell me what happened _cher_.”

Tamara yawned. “Steve took me to Coney Island. It was nice to see him relax. We stopped at a diner on the way home. My knee was bothering me so I decided to wait at his bike while he paid for supper. I was putting my jacket on and someone grabbed me. When I started struggling, one of them said something about taking me and Steve’s bike. I panicked Remy, I was useless.” Tamara felt so confused, she was better trained than that. Remy began to rub her back, letting a little of his power loose to soothe her tense muscles. “I don't know why I panicked, I'm better trained than that.”

“You can never be fully prepared for every possible situation. Sooner or later, you will find yourself outmatched. You survived, that is all that matters.”

Tamara sighed. “It doesn’t feel right, I feel like a failure. I couldn't even put one of them down by myself. The guy who stabbed me...somebody shot him. I didn't even think about Steve, I just got inside the diner.”

Remy could feel the guilt behind her words, she felt as though she had abandoned Steve. “So why did you try to get inside the diner instead of fighting by Steve's side?”

“He told me to get inside and call for a ride.”

“Ah, so your leader gave you an order and you followed it.”

“No.” Tamara was confused now.

Remy shifted so Tamara could stretch out. “When you go into a battle, is Steve not your leader?”

“Yes but..”

“And was that not a battle?”

“I guess.” Tamara smothered another yawn.

“So even though you were out for pleasure, when it became a battle situation, your training took over. You listened to your leader and followed orders. I do not think Steve would have wanted you to disobey him in a battle, even if it was just a bunch of street criminals.”

“I guess not.” Tamara was struggling to keep her eyes open now. Between the medicine, Remy’s power soothing her muscles and his hand rubbing her back, it was a fight she could not win. Once he was sure she was sound asleep, Remy carried her back to bed and tucked the blanket around her.

Remy returned to the living room and stretched back out on the couch, then pulled out a deck of cards. He glanced at a clock, wondering how the mission was going. This time, she had been too tired to question him but he knew the next time she woke it would likely be different. He just hoped Steve returned before Tamara realized he was gone. He’d never charmed Tamara and he hoped he never needed to, but if she tried to leave when she found out about the mission, he would.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Across town, things were not going easy. When Maria Hill had informed the team of a possible Hydra cell within the city, they quickly moved in to take it out. However, the number of soldiers remaining had been greatly underestimated. Instead of a few agents to contend with, it seemed the entire apartment building was housing Hydra agents as they struggled to reach the basement and the facility buried beneath the building.

More than once, the team had to regroup to deal with small groups of Hydra soldiers guarding sealed doorways. After clearing the soldiers, they would secure the unconscious people before moving deeper into the building.

Finally reaching the basement, they encountered even heavier resistance. Bruce had remained with the vehicles, unwilling to shift into Hulk in a residential area unless they had no choice. But when an EMP took out Tony’s suit and left him helpless, he had no choice. Bruce shifted and retrieved Tony, bringing him back to the vehicles where Maria Hill was supervising the processing of captured soldiers.

After Tony was taken out, it was down to the others to complete the mission. Thor was in the lead, utilizing lightning to destroy mechanical traps. They finally reached the heart of the facility where they discovered captives, people chained away in small glass cubicles. A chair resembling a dentist chair sat in the center of the room surrounded by machinery. 

Once they were sure the area was secure, Tony rejoined the team. He inserted flash drives into several computers to enable JARVIS to download the contents and used a Stark pad to video the room for later study. He designated several pieces of the equipment surrounding the chair for removal to the tower for further study. While he was studying the contents of the room, Steve was overseeing the release of the prisoners. He was totally unprepared for one of them, a young girl, to attack him. 

He tried to subdue her without harm as she tried to rake claws across his chest. His suit protected him from most of the damage but she did manage to rake one hand down his left cheek, leaving deep bleeding wounds. Logan had chosen to accompany the team and he was the first to reach Steve as the girl continued to swipe at him. 

Logan realized the girl was behaving like an animal so he responded in a way guaranteed to get a response. He released his claws and growled loudly, causing her to cower on the floor in submission. He didn't often let his animal side take over but times like these, it came in handy. He towered over the girl, proclaiming his dominance and waiting for her to respond. When she crouched at his feet, he stroked her hair gently, soothing and reassuring her. As she relaxed, she began to once again act like a scared child. Logan picked her up gently, stroking her hair and lulling her into sleep. He was the only one who didn't startle when Kurt popped into the room but no one was surprised when the three of them immediately disappeared.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back at the tower, Tamara stirred restlessly in her sleep, a low moan escaping as she dreamed of the attack that left her injured. Deep in sleep, her breathing became irregular as the memories overtook her. Toi nudged her arm, trying to comfort her but even the rumbling purrs coming from the big cat did nothing to stop the dream. Remy heard her cry out for Steve and he headed for the bedroom. A flash of light made him pause and he moved silently closer to the door. When he peeked in, he saw a dark haired man bending over Tamara, totally naked. 

Remy charged several cards and prepared to throw them, to chase away the intruder. The man turned his head and put one finger to his lips, as though telling Remy to be quiet. Toi twined around his feet calmly so Remy just watched, confusion clouding his face, as the man levitated a pair of sweatpants from the dresser and put them on. Once he was clothed, the man soothed Tamara’s sleep before crossing the floor to stand in front of Remy. “You must not tell anyone what you have seen. I am not ready for anyone to know I live, not until I know how myself. For her sake, say you saw nothing.”

Remy could hear the sincerity in the man's voice so he nodded. He knew he recognized the man, he just couldn't remember who he was at that moment. Whoever he was, it was clear Tamara was important to him. So long as it would not bring harm to Tamara, Remy saw nothing wrong with keeping this secret. He nodded and saw the grim expression on the man's face replaced with a soft smile. “You have my word, she is safe with me. As are her friends.”

The man didn’t move to leave the room, at least not in the way Remy expected. A glow appeared to bathe the room in soft green light. When the glow vanished, the man was gone as well. Remy returned to the living room and stretched his long legs out as he played with a deck of cards.

It was early in the wee hours of the morning when Steve finally returned. He didn't say anything to Remy as he walked towards his bedroom but Remy could see his weariness in every step. After a few minutes, he heard the shower begin. He'd noticed the deep scratches down Steve’s left cheek and he just hoped they’d be gone before Tamara woke again. Remy made his way to the kitchen and heated up more of the soup he'd made earlier. He was just filling bowls when Steve entered the living room, freshly showered.

Steve sank down on the couch and leaned back. Remy carried the soup over and held out the larger bowl and a glass. “Per’aps some soup will help?”

Steve took the offered bowl and inhaled deeply, hearing his stomach rumble at the delicious smell as Remy sat the glass on the table. “Thanks”

“Eh, is nothing.” Remy sat down with his own bowl. “Where is Logan?”

“They were experimenting on people, mutants I guess.” Steve motioned to his cheek with his spoon. “Got this from a young girl when we released them, she was so scared she didn’t realize we weren’t going to hurt them. Logan did something that had her cowering at his feet “

Remy nodded in understanding. “He let the Wolverine out. She was acting like an animal, no? Animals respond to dominance, she saw he was the stronger beast. She is safe now?”

Steve nodded. “Guess he called the Professor cause Kurt showed up and vanished with them. She was so young compared to the rest, most the others were adults, the rest were older teens. Agent Hill is seeing to it they get medical treatment and food. Bruce stayed to help but we got a message that Scott and Jean were making arrangements for them.”

Remy nodded, he knew how Jean would feel about mutant experimentation and that she would see they were handled properly. “How long before that is gone?” He motioned towards Steve’s cheek.

Steve touched his cheek. “Few hours probably. Hopefully, before Tam wakes up. She doesn't need the worry.”

Remy agreed. “She had a bad dream while you were gone. I was going to try to wake her but…” He hesitated, not sure how to tell Steve about the man without breaking his word.

“But what?” Steve eyed Remy, wondering what he was hiding. 

Toi chose then to come in the room and sit before Steve. She placed one large paw on his knee to get his attention. _"kitten friend gone, home, safe"_

Steve scratched one ear as Toi purred. “Toi says the kitten is gone. Is that right?”

Realizing he had a way out, Remy replied. “The kitten was in the bed with Toi and Tamara. I saw a flash of light from the bedroom. When I looked in, I saw what might have been a person vanish from the room. I have not seen the kitten since.”

“So we still don’t know who we were protecting, guess it doesn’t matter now. Thanks for staying up with her.” Steve started to make himself comfortable on the couch.

“Non, she dreaming bad, stay with her.” Remy motioned towards Steve’s bedroom where Tamara slept in the larger bed.

Steve climbed wearily to his feet. The truth was, he needed to feel her in his arms, know she was safe. Tamara was curled on her side, a few wisps of hair lay across her face. Steve brushed the hair away but she never stirred. He climbed into the bed behind her and laid one arm across her waist. Tamara sighed contentedly as she shifted back so she was snug against his body. Even as weary as he was, Steve felt himself responding to the press of her backside against his crotch. He forced himself to ignore the response and closed his eyes. His last thoughts as he drifted off to sleep were how nice it was to have someone to come home to after a mission.


	12. Chapter 12

When Tamara woke the next morning, sunlight was peeking through the window. She was alone in Steve’s bed but it was warm behind her. She scooted back so she was curled up in the warmth Steve had left, breathing deeply of the smell that meant home and safety. She opened her mouth slightly as she went back to sleep, an unconscious mimicry of Toi scenting the air. Steve stepped from the bathroom in just his shorts, stopping at the sight of Tamara with parted lips as she took in his scent. He wanted to climb back in bed and do so many things to her but he pushed the _want_ aside. He’d promised to let her set the pace in their relationship and he was a man of his word. Taking clothes to the bathroom he dressed, somewhat hiding the effect she had on him, then quietly slipped from the room.

He found Remy in the kitchen cooking as Logan was setting his table. He didn’t see Marie anywhere but he knew she was still in the apartment by the faint sound of running water. MARI sat in one corner of the living room, waiting until she was needed. When Steve heard the water stop, he was surprised to see Marie bring a drowsy Tamara in the kitchen to join them. He was leaned against the counter, nursing a cup of coffee, the strong flavor reminding him of the past. He pushed the recollections away as Marie sat Tamara in one chair, then brought another to sit beside her, leaving another empty chair on Tamara’s other side. Marie fixed a plate for Tamara and set it on the table as Remy handed her a steaming mug.

Tamara took the mug, inhaling deeply before drinking several swallows. When she set the mug aside, she dug into the food before her without talking to anyone. Logan just chuckled as Steve prepared his own plate, then took the empty chair. Tamara continued to eat, with occasional sips from the mug that Remy kept refilling from a thermos. Steve was curious about the contents but he ate in silence with the others, the only sounds the clink of silverware against plates.

More than one plate was refilled as the food dwindled. Tamara finally stopped eating long enough to mumble “thanks” at Remy as he refilled her mug. Logan wasn’t the only one to notice how Tamara leaned in closer to Steve, how she cast her eyes at him as she bent over her plate. When the last of the food was finished off, Marie went with Tamara to her room to change while the men cleaned up from breakfast.

After breakfast, Tamara was much more alert and eager to catch up with the visiting X-Men. The weather was warm today but not too hot and Remy was able to coax Tamara into agreeing to a picnic down in Central Park. He was more than willing to have any of the team that wanted to join them for company. Lunch orders were sent down to the kitchen to be delivered by tower staff while everyone gathered supplies for a day of relaxing. Clint and Sam had been discussing basketball and both were up for a friendly pickup game. Steve, on the other hand, liked to draw when he was in the park. Sometimes he’d do quick sketches of the team and hand them out to children at random. He made sure he had several sketchbooks handy, then stowed supplies for both he and Tamara in the backpack. Toi even had her own backpack, one meant for a large dog but that fit her normal form perfectly; Tamara kept it stocked with toys and snacks. 

“Toi, grab your bag, picnic time.” Tamara smiled as Toi picked her bag up from the corner and carried it over to be strapped on. She also tolerated a bright bandanna around her neck, an easy way for people to recognize her as domesticated.

 _“Play?”_ she sent enthusiastically at Tamara as her stubby tail twitched.

Toi’s excitement was contagious and soon even Logan was letting a smile slip. In the elevator, they were joined by everyone except Tony and Bruce. They were finishing an experiment but would be joining the others once everything was safe in the labs again. Tamara refused the wheelchair, knowing if she didn’t keep her leg mobile, the muscle tone would suffer. Jake had joined them as well and he just nodded at Steve subtly to let Tamara have her way. If she became too tired, security could always bring a wheelchair to pick her up. 

It wasn’t a long walk to the team’s favorite spot near the basketball courts, a broad field ringed by trees that provided welcome shade. Blankets were laid down and soon everyone scattered their supplies. Sam and Clint took off to the basketball court for a game of one-on-one. Tasha followed them, while Thor began to play with Toi. Steve made a comfortable spot for Tamara to stretch out before taking out a sketchbook. 

Several hundred yards away, a figure watched the scene from the safety of the trees. James was remembering more of his past, especially from before the war. He knew that Steve and he had been close, more like brothers than friends, and he wondered if that friendship could survive what he had done. Would Steve still help him if he knew how many people James had killed in cold blood, how he had often tortured victims at his master’s orders? Steve turned towards the trees and James ducked out of sight. He remembered how even as kids, he’d never been able to sneak up on Steve; he always knew somehow when James was around.

Tamara noticed the way Steve kept watching around them, as though he was expecting someone. “What’s wrong?” she asked quietly.

“Nothing...just…” he paused. “It just feels like Bucky is watching me,” he admitted. “I’ve been feeling like this since our date.”

Tamara wasn’t sure what to think about that. “Do you think he could be here? That he plans to kill you?”

Steve shook his head vehemently. “No, he could have let me die but he pulled me from the river; I know it was him.” He moved closer to Tamara and leaned in. “I think he shot all those people the other night. In D.C., he was carrying a Sig Sauer P220, same kind of gun used that night. I think he might have been trying to help me.”

“What about the guy that was killed?”

“The only one killed was the guy who stabbed you. If I’m right, then maybe he didn’t have time to try to just stop the guy, he was more concerned about protecting you.” Steve pulled Tamara into his lap, laughing when she jerked his hat down. “I’m gonna make sure he knows you’re my girl.” He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her flush against his chest before kissing her neck, breathing lightly. Tamara turned her head towards his and leaned in for a kiss, needing to feel safe, to feel loved. Steve was more than willing and the kiss only stopped when something wet was tossed at the back of his head.

“C’mon, no PDA’s.” Clint was grinning, holding a small ball dripping water. Bruce and Tony had arrived and Tony had staff from the tower bringing buckets full of water and soft foam balls. 

Tamara shifted off Steve’s lap and gave him a gentle push. “Go get him already.”

Jake took a seat beside Tamara, along with Marie as Steve took off to join the others. Tony was directing staff in placing buckets full of water all over the area. Thor was in the middle of a bunch of children, all of them waiting eagerly for a chance to play with the heroes. Several adults found seats outside the area and watched as children were sent off to wait by a bucket of water. Thor’s booming voice could be heard yelling for the children to attack as the Avengers pretended to try dodging the water balls thrown by happy children. They were also trying to grab water bombs themselves and hit each other to the delight of both the children playing and the adults watching.

Sometime later, the melody of an ice cream cart could be heard making rounds through the park. Tony disappeared for several minutes, only to return followed by the ice cream cart and several other carts pushed by smiling vendors. Children crowded around as Tony announced he’d bought everything and the kids were to enjoy themselves. Smaller children were herded towards the front by older kids; Tony had done this often enough that no one had to remind children to share and to behave.

Steve stripped his wet shirt off and sat on a towel Tamara tossed at him. She watched as he used another to dry off somewhat and when he caught her watching, she just blushed. She couldn’t hide it though when she moved wrong and the pain in her shoulder flared up. Jake noticed as well and he handed her medicine as Marie got her a bottle of juice. Lunch was arriving from the tower and Steve grabbed Tamara’s food, along with his own. He sat beside her, keeping an eye on her as she ate. When her eyes began to droop, he set her plate aside and put a pillow down for her to rest. 

As Tamara dozed in the warm afternoon sun, Steve sketched his friends as they continued to play with children. Tony grumbled about “rug rats” but it was clear he wasn’t serious in his complaints. Thor was always welcoming to children, encouraging them to engage in physical play. Bruce usually ended up with a small group, the quiet ones who weren’t physically active but who had active minds to make up for it. As for Natasha and Clint, they had a small following as well, the kids who felt they didn’t quite fit in with the rest. Steve could hear Clint talking archery with one girl and he smiled as he sketched the two of them.

Tamara continued to sleep, courtesy of the medicine Jake had given her and the warm sun. As she slept, activity in the park began to die down and the team gathered to return to the tower as some of the visiting X-Men left to return to the mansion. Tamara still slept so Remy gathered her in his arms. “Per’aps it best you not show what she means to you until she is healed. She does not need her picture in the papers.”

Steve knew Remy was right so he just collected the art supplies and stowed them away. He pulled one sketch out, writing a message across the bottom, before folding it neatly. As they passed the trees where James had been hidden, Steve slipped the sketch into a tree, wedged in between several branches. As much as he wanted to, he didn't look back; just followed everyone back to the tower.

James waited several minutes to see if this was a trap before slipping from his hiding place to grab the paper. He didn’t open it yet, just tucked it away in an inner pocket as he returned to his room in the hotel. 

James opened the paper carefully, then smoothed out the creases. It was a sketch of him, with Steve and his girl, sitting in a room together. She was smiling at both of them, even though James’s metal arm was visible. Underneath the sketch, Steve had written “till the end of the line pal” in neat letters. As James ran his fingers over the sketch, the faint glimmer of hope he felt increased. Steve still cared.


	13. Chapter 13

Shortly after returning to the tower, JARVIS announced that Officer Mahoney was requesting permission to speak with Tamara. Knowing Tamara would be waking up soon to eat, Steve asked Remy to meet him. He was pleasantly surprised when Matt Murdock stepped off the elevator as well. 

Officer Mahoney was carrying a thick folder and he shifted it to shake hands with Steve. “I thought it might be less intimidating for Tamara to look at photos instead of a physical lineup.” 

A chirrup from Toi let everyone know that Tamara was finally waking up. Officer Mahoney set the folder on the coffee table and took a seat across from Tamara while Matt sat beside her on the couch. “Brett has some pictures he needs you to look at, but take your time. You're safe here and they don't know where you live.” His voice was calm and steady, reassuring her. 

Tamara nodded slowly as Brett opened the folder and took out a stack of photos. “This is known as a photo lineup. I need you to look through these pictures and see if you can identify your attackers.”

Tamara took the stack and began to look through them slowly. The first couple she turned face down. “I don't recognize either of these men.” Then she laid one to the side. “Maybe but I'm not sure.” She continued to look through the photos, laying them either in the definitely not pile or the maybe pile.

She laid another photo down and froze. Matt heard her heart begin to race. “Tamara, listen to me, you're safe.”

Tamara was too far into panic mode to even hear him. Matt laid a hand on Tamara's leg and she reacted by jerking away and crying out. She was beginning to hyperventilate now, and she swung blindly when she felt arms grab her. Steve had been fixing supper with Remy when Tamara began to panic and he dropped the salad to the table. He jumped over the coffee table and wrapped his arms around Tamara, pulling her against his chest as she struggled. The entire time, he kept talking to her, reassuring her she was safe, that nobody could hurt her here.

Tamara continued to struggle and Steve was concerned she would pass out when Remy approached him from behind. “Let me try something _mon ’ami_.” Remy’s eyes began to glow as he spoke softly to Tamara, using his powers to charm her into relaxing. Finally Tamara stopped struggling against Steve but now everyone could hear muffled sobbing. 

Steve could feel his shirt grow wet as she cried but he didn't care. He did grow concerned when he could smell the metallic tang of blood. “Remy, can you see her shoulder? I smell blood.”

Steve managed to get Tamara to shift enough for Remy to see her shoulder and the blood just beginning to seep through her shirt. “ _Oui_ , she has torn it open I fear. You take her to the bedroom and I shall bring the first aid kit. I do not think we need trouble Jake with this. Excuse us, gentlemen.”

As Steve walked Tamara back to his bedroom, Remy retrieved the first aid kit. After several minutes, Remy returned to the living room and put away the kit. “She will need to rest for a while. Do you need anything else from her?”

Officer Mahoney was picking up the scattered photos. “After that reaction, I think we can skip the audio tapes. She identified several of the men we arrested. What did you do to her?” He was curious but cautious. 

“I charmed her. It is one of my powers that I do not often use.” Remy was honest in his response. “I do not like to do it, but this was a good reason. I could not allow her to hurt herself further.”

Matt could hear the fondness in Remy’s voice. “She's special to you.”

“ _Oui_ , she is the only blood family I have. We discover we are distant cousins some time back, but she has been a friend for many years.” Remy’s expression grew serious. “Who is the man in the photo, the last one?”

“It was the man who stabbed her; but she’s safe from him, he's dead. I need to get back to the precinct, are you coming Matt?” Officer Mahoney stood and waited as Matt joined him, then they both headed for the door. Remy watched them go, then he went back to the kitchen to finish cooking supper.

In the bedroom, Steve was holding Tamara as she cried. She was usually so strong and it hurt to see her so vulnerable, so _wounded_ by this incident. He wanted to help her get through this but he didn’t know if he was the right person to do it. “Shh, you're safe Tama. They can't hurt you anymore. It's gonna get better, I promise.” He stroked her back and hair gently, feeling her slowly relax as her panic subsided. “You need to talk to someone, it does help.”

“I'm a coward,” she sobbed. “I left you, ran away. Don't deserve you.”

Steve couldn’t believe she felt that way. “You’re not a coward. I sent you away, that’s following orders.” She continued to cry softly, sniffling as her tears dried up. “Look at me Tam”. When she lifted her head from his shoulder, he wiped at the streaks left on her cheeks. “You are not a coward. A coward would never come near Hulk when we're fighting or so many of the others things you do. I've seen you in battle. Risking yourself to get to a civilian or one of us when we're hurt.”

“I should have stayed and fought with you.”

“Tam, listen to me. You accepted me as your leader in battles, just like everyone else. When our date became a battle situation, you followed your training and my orders. You did the right thing doll.” He could tell she still didn't believe him but that would come in time. “Remy made pasta, are you hungry?”

Tamara’s stomach rumbled in response and she choked out a small laugh. She climbed off Steve’s lap, feeling slightly better. When she reached a hand out to him, Steve took it, squeezing gently. Hand in hand, they walked back to the living room where Remy was already setting bowls of pasta and plates of bread on the coffee table. Steve guided Tamara to the couch and she took the hint, sitting down in the center. 

Steve left her there with Remy as he went to the kitchen to get drinks for everyone. When he returned, Remy was seated on one end, his long legs stretched out to rest on top of a footstool. Tamara was curled up with her feet under her, a light blanket across her lap. Steve knew she was still upset by the way her hands kept moving across the blanket, making it slide across her bare legs as it shifted. He set the drinks down and took the empty spot on the end of the couch,

Almost as soon as Steve had sat down, Tamara was leaned against him, her feet almost in Remy’s lap. She poked at her bowl of pasta but ate only a few bites before setting it aside. Steve frowned and glanced over her head at Remy who also noticed she wasn’t eating.

“ _Cher_ , you do not like my cooking now?” Remy tried to keep his tone light to hide his worry.

Tamara tried to eat a few more bites but right now, the red sauce on the noodles reminded her too much of blood. She dropped her bowl as her hand trembled and some of the sauce splashed onto Steve’s hand. She stared at the red splotches, her mind beginning to replay _that_ night yet again; but in her memories, it was always Steve who died, not the man who stabbed her. Her breath began to quicken again and Steve quickly set his bowl down to pull Tamara into his arms.

“Tama, you’re safe sweetheart, breathe slowly.” He wrapped one large hand around her smaller ones as the other held her safely. “C’mon, slowly, in and out, just focus.” His hand squeezed hers and she responded, breathing in as he squeezed and out as he let go. It didn't take long for her panic to subside, this attack at least averted. She burrowed her head against Steve’s side, hiding herself in the safety of his arms, trusting him to protect her. This second panic attack, combined with the earlier attack and the medicine resulted in her drifting off to sleep, Steve’s arm wrapped protectively around her side.

Only after he was sure she was asleep did Steve speak, his voice pitched low so not to wake her. “I hate to see her like this. She called herself a coward because she left when I told her to.”

Remy was beginning to have an idea of what part of her problem might be. “Her eyes, they were on your hand this time. Maybe we ask Marie to help us see what she remembers? She will be back later tonight.”

“Maybe”. Tamara stirred and he lowered his voice but she only snuggled closer. “Do we have the right to invade her privacy though? I know she’ll tell us eventually.”

“Did you consider that maybe she does not recall what it is that frightens her so?” Remy turned to face Steve, his expression serious. “Sometimes, we bring in those who have been mistreated. Some block out what happened, they only remember in dreams or how they felt. They never can give voice to their fears but yet, the memory is still there.” He placed a hand on Tamara’s leg. “You know I will never hurt her. Marie can see what she sees in her dreams and she will not have to face that alone. If Jean or Charles try to help, she may remember it all.”

Steve hadn’t considered that possibility, that she didn’t remember. “It still has to be her choice. Unless it’s hurting her, I won’t invade her privacy.”

“ _Mon ‘ami_ , can you not see how it hurts her now? This is not the Tamara we know, this is just a shadow of her, she needs our help.”

The door opened quietly and Marie slipped in, followed by Logan. “JARVIS told us what happened earlier with the pictures. We sure that guy’s dead?” Logan tried to restrain the beast but everyone heard the growl he couldn’t quite hold back.

“I’m sure, but right now, I’m taking her back to bed. Goodnight.” Steve picked Tamara up carefully, making sure not to jar her injured arm. Once back in his bedroom, he laid her down gently then changed clothes in the bathroom before climbing into the bed and wrapping an arm around her. Toi had followed him into the bedroom and she curled up on a chair in the corner. Tamara shifted, scooting back into the safety of Steve’s arms and sighed in her sleep. Steve brushed her hair away from the back of her neck and kissed her softly, then closed his eyes, trying to ignore the feel of her body against his groin as he went to sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

The next day, Jake finally released Tamara to resume some training. She was now allowed to go running and her tai chi but sparring and weapons practice was off limits. Tamara fidgeted under the restrictions so Remy offered to take her out for the day. He had contacts in the city who could teach her a unique skill set. Gambling might not be a skill to some people but Remy knew how helpful it could be. He took Tamara with him to Atlantic City, to a high stakes game. Tamara stayed by his side, learning more than she thought possible about gambling.

The only thing to mar the experience was when a fellow gambler tried to become too friendly with Tamara. Tamara began to panic when he grabbed her wrist but Remy came to her rescue with a flicker of violet energy accompanied by a soft “My cousin is taken by a better man than you.” The gambler backed away, he knew better than to cross Remy. Tamara focused on slowing her breathing, forcing back the panic she had felt start to rise as Remy wrapped an arm around her shoulders, sheltering her from stares. “Per’aps it best we return you home.”

They returned to the tower and Tamara finally slept in her own bed, no longer needing the extra room Steve’s bed provided. Her nightmares continued though and found Logan walking her into the living room when she woke up crying. He poured a tumbler of scotch and lit a cigar as he returned his attention to the movie he'd been watching; Tamara curled up against his side. Logan rested one arm on her shoulder, a callused hand on her waist. The comforting smell of cigar and Logan’s musky scent lulled her back to sleep.

Tamara awoke early again, her dreams still haunted by vague memories of the attack. Logan was asleep on the couch and no one else was awake when Tamara slipped from the apartment. Logan opened one eye to watch her slip out the door but when he saw Toi follow her, he let her go, knowing she needed to deal with this on her terms.

Tamara stretched in the elevator as it headed down, making sure her leg felt fully healed. It wasn’t quite dawn yet, the city still sleeping as she approached the side door that led to the garage. Lights came on as she entered the garage, Toi following at her heels. At first, Tamara couldn’t find Steve’s bike anywhere and she felt a flash of panic. Toi nudged her leg and she saw the bike, tucked away in a corner, partially hidden by a cover. She pulled the cover off and stared at the bike, forcing herself to see the scratches that now marred the paint. She focused on her breathing as she traced the scratches before turning away from the bike.

Only after looking at the bike did she leave the garage but it wasn’t to return to her floor. She knew she had to force herself to move on and that meant leaving the tower without protection. It was too easy to be weak, to give into the fear and let it control her. No, she needed to face it and drive it out or she’d never be any use in the field again. She patted her pocket, feeling the comforting weight of a collapsible bo staff before taking a deep breath and leaving the garage.

Once outside the tower, she paused to let herself get balanced, to accept the fact that she was again out with only herself to depend on. Finding that fear did not rear its ugly head, she took off for the park, settling into an easy lope but never noticing the shadow she had gained.

James had gone out early to watch the tower, not knowing why he was so restless. When he saw Steve’s dame step out, he recognized the look in her eyes as she fought her fears and won. When she took off at an easy run into the park, he debated staying to watch for Steve but then decided to follow the dame. He caught the cat watching every time the girl stopped to rest and he stayed well back, not wanting to be spotted. He was so busy watching her, he almost didn’t notice when Steve got close.

Tamara was sitting on a bench, rubbing her leg where it was stiff when Toi informed her Steve was coming. She was also trying to spot whoever it was she felt following her. She knew someone was there, she just didn’t know who or why. She waited for Steve to join her, relief rushing through her when he finally appeared. 

He wrapped his arms around her when she stood to meet him. “Are you OK?”

“I’m fine, I just needed to do this alone.” She hadn’t felt this safe since she was a kid, but she pushed him away gently. “I needed to see if I could go out alone, I’m no use if I’m cowering in fear.”

Steve relaxed his grip. “You’re one of the strongest women I know. I just got worried when I woke up and Logan said you’d left.”

Tamara had to focus to avoid looking around. “Yeah well, I have a shadow. Can’t be any of security cause I can’t spot them. Toi doesn’t smell any of our friends around here either.”

Steve scanned the woods around them as he held Tamara loosely in his arms. “Any ideas?”

She sighed, “No, but I don’t think it’s someone who wants to hurt me; they missed several opportunities if they did. I just want to go home now.” Her leg was beginning to ache, the muscles unused to the activity after a week of healing.

“I’ll walk you back, then I’ll finish my run.” Steve slipped his jacket off and draped it around her shoulders. Lowering his voice, he moved to her left side. “I brought you a weapon, one of those new guns Maria brought in. I don’t like you leaving the tower unarmed.”

Tamara could feel the weight in the pocket as she slipped her arms into the way too big sleeves. Her right hand found the cool metal, her heart rate steadying as she started walking. Steve escorted her back inside the tower and waited for her to get on the restricted elevator before he exited the building to resume his morning run. Tamara found Remy waiting for her in the cafeteria and she joined him and Marie for breakfast. After breakfast, she made her way down to medical for Jake to check her arm to see if she was able to resume training. Jake still wasn't ready to release her for full training but he did agree to allow her to resume mild activity to build the strength back up in her arm. Knowing it was useless to argue, Tamara went upstairs to the pool to swim. 

Marie joined her in the pool as Remy watched. “Remy says you still upset over this. Wanna talk about it?”

“Steve thinks I need to. But how can I when I don’t remember?” Tamara pulled herself from the pool to wrap a towel around her wet body.

Marie followed her and sat beside her on a lounge chair. “You don’t remember because you don’t want to sugah. If you want me to, I can try to see what scares you. Only if you want, I won’t pry.” Tamara gave a small nod and Marie wrapped her in a hug, then took her hand. “Best we do this where you feel safe.” Marie poked at Tamara’s side. “Logan can steady you, let that beast in him feel useful.” That got a small smile as Tamara let Marie lead her from the pool.

Steve returned to the tower to find Marie attempting to see what had Tamara so upset. Logan was seated on the floor, Tamara curled up in the safety of his arms, Marie sat beside them wearing a downcast expression. It was only after Steve returned that a breakthrough happened. Steve was always hungry it seemed. And foods high in carbs were high on his list so he ate a lot of pasta. He came into the living room carrying a plate of pasta from the night before but when he sat beside Tamara, her eyes were drawn to the sauce. Logan noticed before Marie could even try to read her memories.

“Blood. That’s what scaring her. The not knowing.” Logan tapped his hand on Tamara’s leg. “See it with all the kids. After the first time someone gets hurt. They panic, can’t forget what happened. Worse if someone else gets hurt too. Lot of guilt.”

Steve had never considered that Tamara was reacting this strongly due to guilt. He tried to apologize but before he could say a word, Logan shut him up. “Let her be Rogers. She’ll get past it, takes time. She just needs time to remember that you didn’t get hurt like she fears. You got a bad habit of playing hero. Taking risks. Ease off just a bit.”

Steve nodded. If Tamara needed him to be more careful, then he would. 

After that revelation, things became a bit easier for Tamara. Now when she had nightmares, Steve would reassure her that he was safe. Gradually the nightmares decreased until she was sleeping soundly all night. Remy and the others returned to Westchester before that happened but they were willing to return anytime the team needed additional manpower for a mission.

**Author's Note:**

> Throughout James "Bucky" Barnes's recovery I use James as his name until he decides to be called Bucky again. This will only happen once he has accepted what happened to him and reconciled it with who he was before. In short, only once he can function without shutting down due to triggers will he again choose to be Bucky.


End file.
